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Writing Task 1: How satisfied are you with your life? What would make you happiest?


nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Oct 28, 2016   #1
The graph below and the chart on the on the next page show the answers people gave about the extent to which they are satisfied with their lives and what they would make them happiest.

The graphs provide information about people's average life satisfaction and what might make them happy. It shows the data across different age groups and gender. Overall, male and female stood at different point but from 21 to 70 years, they have similar point which is dipped in 41 to 50 years as the lowest of happiness grade, than increase gradually until 71 years. For young people the main reason of their happiness is have a lot of money, meanwhile for elderly people have a healthy body is the most important.

Start from 15 to 20 years old, male happiness higher at 5,5 point than female in 5,3 point. For the following age, they have similar satisfied of life. It decreases steadily and dip in 41-50 years old at 5,0 point. Then, their average life satisfaction increase sharply until reach a peak at 5,6 point in 61-70 years old.

Main factors that make people happiness are health and money. For young people, they will more happy when they get a large of money, over 50 percent of them feel satisfied for that reason but it decreases gradually until under 10 percent when they get older since for elderly people the most thing that make them happy is a healthy body.


  • What would make you happiest?

  • How satisfied are you with your life?

Hujjatul19 45 / 70 3  
Oct 29, 2016   #2
Dear, Nuraini. I have some suggestions for you

... but from 21 to 70 years, they have similar point which is dipped [...] gradually until 71 years.

Firstly, introduction does not need any specific data as what's presented above since the detail one is going to be explained on the following paragraph

.., male happiness is higher at 5,5 point than female's is in 5,3 point.
It decreases steadily and dips in 41-50 years old atto 5,0 point.
... satisfaction increases sharply until reach a ...

... make people happinessy are health and money.
..., they will more happyhappier when they get a large amount of money,

Keep writing. Best regards.
Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Oct 29, 2016   #3
Hallo aini.. here my suggestion for you..

For young people (you should put comma here ) the main reason of ...

THE Main factors that make people ...

they getgetting older since for elderly people (You should put comma here)the most thing that ...

Overall, your essay was good. I can understand your flow. Good luck
Delvisyendra 6 / 7  
Oct 29, 2016   #4
Starting from 15 to 20 years old

they will be more happy when they ...
mardian24 46 / 75  
Oct 29, 2016   #5
Hi nurainiyusuf16, I'm trying to make some comments

1. ... stood at different point, but from 21 to 70 years ...
before but use comma to make it different from the first and the second sentence

2. ... similar point which is dippeddippeddipped in 41 to 50 years
It is better to use passive form, is dipped ---> dipped

3. than increase gradually untilto 71 years
Verb + to is to show what the data have reached.

Thank you
Break a leg
ifraanisa05 44 / 70 6  
Oct 29, 2016   #6
hai aini, here are my suggestions for your essay

It shows the data across different age groups and gender.
in your sentence, 'it' refers to the graphS. but there are one graph shows about gender. but you used conjunction 'and' that is an unclear sentence i think

in overview, you should mention about the trend/the main point. you do not need to mention the data

... of happiness grade, thanthen increase gradually until 71 years.

Then, their average life satisfaction increaseincreases sharply until reach ...
Wilyaftika23 46 / 37 1  
Oct 29, 2016   #7
... satisfaction increases sharply until reach ...
... the n increase gradually ...
Starting from 15 to 20 years old......
... they will BE more happy when ...
... THE Main factors that make ...

GOOD luck :)


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