Which school facilities should receive money from the local authorities?

Financial Aid - What Types of Schools?

Current reports in the local area shows that nearly 80% of the general school equipment has been downgraded. As the result of which, parents start to be worried about their offspring and complain the local authorities. At the end of discussion, the dignities made a decision about the innovation of educational facilities.

Classroom technology is a worthy recommendation. It is believed that using advance gadgets will motivate learners effectively, especially for who are majoring in informative technology. Moreover, teachers, nowadays, are in proficiency of utilizing modern instruments such as laptops, i pads and so forth to prepare their lesson plans. Unequipped projectors and electronic teaching tools will not only waste of time and money but also raise breathing problems for lecturers and pupils when using chalks or markers for a long time.

The priority for renovation, however, should be to restore libraries. Researching outside classroom and taking time to read references are essential to learners, therefore, enriching libraries with filtered materials will aid them a lot. Although some people claim that why students have to need books when Internet is always available, the others says many brand-new specialized materials are not updated on network. In addition, most of educational institutions are nursery and primary premises whose pupils there can't use computers and Internet well and are easily distracted by cartoons, games and so on.

Both would be beneficial and necessary to enhance, but reading store would also be advantageous because there are still learners outside who only concentrate when keeping a book in hand rather than an e-book.

You'd better not mention health issues - if you do, you should also point out that the 'modern electronic gadgets' cause cancer and blindness (which is still much better outcome than 'breathing problems' from chalks - at this point, though, I doubt you've ever hold a chalk in your hand because if you did you'd know it does not cause any breathing problems). Finally, you forgot to mention where the 'local authorities' receive money from (normally they produce nothing so they have to take money from someone to give it to someone else).

Dang, the entire premise of the essay is not clearly presented in the opening statement. The topic for discussion seems to be presented however, there is no clear outline as to what the expected successive discussions were supposed to be about. Is this an opinion essay, a comparison essay, or an argumentative essay? The reader is coming into this essay with incomplete information and without forewarning as to what discussions are to follow. Therefore, the essay does not follow the correct format requirement. In any type of essay that you write, for any sort of English exam, the one constant is that the opening statement needs to present the following information:

1. The topic for discussion.
2. The reason for the discussion.
3. The kind of discussion that is to follow.

When any of these three basic opening statement features does not get included in your presentation, the essay fails to properly address the task requirements and information presentation. So the essay becomes weak and confusing the reader. While your reasons are understandable to a certain degree, I do not understand why this topic is important for discussion and why it is being discussed this way. The score will not be so good for this essay overall in an actual test setting.