Schools are the only place to receive true education? toefl essay

Some people argue that schools are not the only place to receive true education, they refute that there are many places to receive education. However, I have two supporting reasons for why schools are the best place to learn. Schools can teach many useful skills and schools can give formal education by proven teachers. So, there is no doubt that schools are the best place to receive proper and true education.

First of all, schools teach many useful skills. schools can teach the most important skill to live in society, how to socialize with people. Since students see their friends everyday, they will better know how to make friends and how to socialize with new people. Some might argue that students will be able to socialize better in other places, but students can build real friendship and companions in school, encountering similar problems as their peers. They need to solve problems with their peers, they would eventually make friendship and bond between friends which would last for a long time. Also, schools provide education regarding diverse subjects, these subjects that students learn would be valuable for them in the coming years for them to have a job that they want. To illustrate, as a student I learned numerous information. By attending schools for 12years I learned so much information that I could not have learned in other places. Schools have taught me how to socialize, motivated me to study and to achieve my utmost. I have many friends who have had same trouble with me, and friends who always help me out when I have problems. I wonder if I could have met those valuable friends if I did not attend school. In addition, I learned science that I love. I learned chemistry and biology that I could not have learned if I were to stay in other places.

Secondly, schools are proven place where students can acquire formal education. To be specific, schools are composed of teachers who have proven themselves eligible for teaching students. However, if students were to learn education in other places not by teachers, they would not be able to get as better education as formal teachers. Teachers who have studied so hard for the passion to teach students have great amount knowledge. There is great difference from formal and informal teachers since, formal teachers study so hard to achieve eligibility to teach students. Whereas informal teachers can just read out letters from books. Thus, formal teachers can better teach students with useful information that they studied for long time. For instance, my brother who is a teacher at an elementary school, he has tried so hard to teach students. He studied very hard on science, english and korean to teach children. Studying for 2 years he finally became a teacher and is teaching a lot of students.

To sum up, schools can provide students with much of valuable information and schools are proven place where students can learn from knowledgable teachers. In this regard, I strongly believe schools are better place to learn.

is my expression or word or other factors fine?
read it once and write any comments:)

I would make this two separate sentences, or separate it by a semi colon.


I would take out supporting, its unnecessary. Also, I would either change however to a different conjunction, or switch I and However.


"Schools can teach many useful skills and can give formal education by proven teachers." And I would change proven to something different. It doesn't quite make sense in this context.


Take out "So,"


I would change "school" to "They". Otherwise its redundant


Take out the second "how to". And change "friends" to something more general like peers or classmates.


The last part of the sentence doesn't go with the first


This is worded weirdly. Check subject verb agreement


"Also, schools provide education regarding diverse subjects. These subjects that students learn will be valuable for them in the coming years when they go to find the job that they want."


Add "have" before learned


"Schools have taught me how to socialize, motivated me to study, and to achieve my utmost potential."


"Teachers who have studied so hard with a passion to teach students have a great amount knowledge."


"There is a great difference between formal and informal teachers. Formal teachers study hard to achieve eligibility to teach students. Informal teachers can just read out letters from books."


Take out the last part


change "to sum up" to In conclusion. Take out "of". Add "a" in front of "proven". Add "a" in front of "better".

I think the main problem you have with your essay in punctuation and grammar

Some people argue that schools are not the only place to receive true education; they contend that there are many places to receive education. However, even though school is not the only place to learn, I have two ...

...encountering problems similar to those of their peers.

To illustrate, as a student I learned an enormous amount of information. By attending schools for twelve years, I learned so much information that I could not have learned in other places.

Secondly, schools are places that are proven to have potential to provide students with high-quality formal education.

For instance, my brother who is a teacher at an elementary school, has tried so hard to teach students. He studied very hard in science, English and Korean to teach children. After studying for two years he finally became a teacher and is teaching a lot of students.

To sum up, schools can provide students with much valuable information, and schools are places where students can learn from knowledgeable teachers. In this regard, I strongly believe schools are the best places to learn.

:-) nice job!! Keep practicing!!

thank you very much~:)