Scientific research should be done by the governments rather than private entrepreneurs

the role of authorities and private business in the Scientific research

It is true that studies in the scientific field play an essential role in modern society. People have had different views about who should conduct and take control of scientific research. Although I accept that the governments could have the right to do this, I am against the idea that the role of private firms in this field are less significant.

The proposal that the governments of countries are the main institutions to do research may be attributed to the following reasons. The first one is the government, head organization of a nation, may be the optimal protector for the secret of scientific investigation. This is likely to help prevent the opponents from stealing the research's key information then making a copy of it. Secondly, in terms of finance, a high amount of state subsidies for science and technology can provide fertile resources for the conduction of the research project. These sources, namely money, facilities, and human, may be the fundamental factors leading to a successful scientific investigation.

Notwithstanding the important part of the government, I believe that experimental research may be done completely by private enterprise as well. Apart from the former where there are strict regulations and principles, the latter is likely to let the researchers be creative as much as they can. This has helped to bring many introductions of groundbreaking initiatives in life. Furthermore, sharing the responsibility with private firms could ease the pressure on the government's budget. As a result, citizens would have to pay lower taxes and the authorities would lower the taxes for citizens and could use more cash for other fundamental areas such as healthcare and education.

In conclusion, It is my belief that the importance of authorities and private business in science is equal.

@quan0904208135
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope that my feedback becomes helpful to you for your long-term endeavors. Don't hesitate to reach out if you have more questions!

Generally, I don't see anything that is wrong with your manner of writing. I do think, however, that you need to work more on the overall flow of writing, especially when it comes to logical coherence. If we take a look at your first paragraph, for instance, it appears as though the transition from the thesis statement to your personal opinion doesn't mesh well in its entirety. Try to relay your thoughts into a simpler and more concise sentence rather than placing everything onto the table sporadically as you did.

With regards the content of the body paragraphs, I recommend trimming down the unnecessary parts of the body. For example, you could have opted to create a shorter and more concise formatting than the second paragraph. As you were unable to do this, I find that the writing itself was rather lacking in that department. Stick with simpler and more compact sentences, especially when trying to introduce a new thought idea into the cluster of sentences.

The conclusion also needs to be enhanced/worked on. Try to be more explicit and specific with what you mean by "equal" in this regard to make it clearer to the readers what the meaning of the writing is.

@Maria
I'm very grateful for your replying to my essay. Your opinions are really valuable to me.
Could I ask you a more question ? Which band score can I get with this essay ?