Scientific research revealed that there is an abnormal leisure time situation

Uses of Leisure Time (Summaries)

Research revealed that there is an abnormal leisure time situation. From its report, people nowadays have more pastime, but there is an increase in the level obesity and stress because of using leisure time inappropriately.

Several tests show that people who spent live in city tend to lose their concentrate ability and emotions control. Comparing with people lived in country side which have the contradict effects. Research demonstrate that these day people have no time to rejuvenate. Moreover, people prefer spending their time watching TV, surfing internet, and shopping to doing outdoor activities.

This situation lead to increasing on the level of depression and obesity especially on children. Thus, authorities try to find the best way to tackle this problem by giving ample time to children to spend their time in natural environment. In addition, vacations can also solve this problem. As the most satisfied in the level of vacation countries, British has a way to make their people fulfilling by giving people vacation time in pieces within the year rather than giving it all at once.

Hi Zul, let me lend you a hand, this is my suggestion words

1. Scientific(better if you include the origin) research revealed that there is ...
From its report, nowadays people have more pastime
2. ... people who spent live in the city tend to lose their ...
In comparison or Comparing with people lived in country side which have the contradict effects.
3. Moreover, people more prefer spending their time by watching TV, surfing internet...
4. This situation lead to increasing the increase on the level of depression ...
... to tackle this problem by giving s ample time for children to spend ...
In addition, vacations can alsois another way to solve this problem.

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...

Hi Ziad, thanks for the corrections. I'll be rechecked my writing. In the no. 4 of your correction which is sample, actually it's ample that means enough. Nevertheless, I really appreciate your help it's really helpful.

hiii, here is my correction for your essay ;)

vacations can alsois another way to solve this problem
This situation leadleads to increasing
you can changeobesity >> over weight
and also people >> human because, there are so many repetition so you should paraphrase it.

that's all, thanksss ;)

Hi zul,
Let me give you some advises,

- ... but there is an increase in theincreasing level of obesity and stress because ...
- Several tests show that people who spenttheir live in the city tend to lose their concentrate abilityto focus and emotions control.control their emotions.
- ComparingCompare with people who lived in country side which ...
- Moreover, people preferto spending their time by watching TV, surfing internet, and shopping tothan doing outdoor activities.
- This situation lead to increasing on the level of depression and ...

Hopefully it helps.

hello zulfi
after read your paragraph, i have some suggestions for you :

From itsit is report, people nowadays have ...
... country side which have the contradict effects .

... to tackle this problem by giving ample time tofor children to spend their ...

Hello Zul,
It is nice to read your summary, i guess you already have many feedback from the previous comentator.
But, let me try to correct some confusing part here.

"people prefer spending their (...) and shopping to doing outdoor activities." -- there are several comments which tried to correct this sentence, but in my opinion your sentence is already right. (prefer-to)

Comparing with people lived in country side ... ==> i suggest you reform this sentence to "in comparison, people who lived in country have the contradictive effects."

Research demonstrate that these day(s ) ; besides i don't think "research" is noun which could be a subject for this sentence

It's all from me. I hope i could be helpful.
Good luck for your IELTS Preparation :)

Hello..
These are some corrections for you. Feel free to discuss :)

1. ... but there is an increase in the level obesityobesity level and stress because of ...

2. ... in country side which havehas the contradict effects.

3. ... spending their time in watching TV, surfing internet, and shopping to doing outdoor activities .

4. This situation lead to increasingincrease on the level of depression ...

5. ... people fulfilling by giving people them vacation time in pieces within the year rather ...

hi zul2805_es
let me give you some corrections


hope this helps,
thanks
Jawa