I would like some help with a college application essay. I would appreciate any opinions and suggestions. Thanks beforehand !
prompt:
Rutgers requires that you provide a short essay that is your original work. Please reflect on what you consider to be an important personal experience related to your talents, interests, or commitments. Using this experience, please tell us what you learned about yourself. How will this experience prepare you for success at Rutgers?
my essay :
Eight years ago I arrived to this land seeking better opportunities. Opportunities that were limited in my home country. Coming from a home where my mother was the only support for me and my two younger sisters, the possibility of going to college was not something I took for granted. As a kid I enjoyed watching history and science related TV shows, Beakman's World was one my of my favorites. I was curious and found myself fascinated by science. My mother encouraged my childhood explorations, she taught me how to count and multiply as early as five years old. I used to picture myself as an adult wearing a lab coat, working with beakers, flasks, microscopes and lab rats. I wanted to go to college someday, not only to get a higher education but also to be able to get a job to help my mother and sisters. As I grew older I realized that in order to make your dreams come true you have to make sacrifices and take risks.
It was not easy to leave my family and friends behind but I was determined to work hard to achieve my goals. I was not going to let the adversities get in my way. So there I was one afternoon, getting off a plane at XXXX Airport with a backpack on my back and suitcase full of dreams. I knew I had the potential to change my life and succeed despite the new challenges ahead of me. A month later, I took the first step and enrolled in school. The teachers, my classmates, the educational system, everything was so different. I didn't see that as a challenge but rather as an opportunity to learn and experience new things. I learned English and was placed in regular classes in less than a year. I felt motivated by the fact that teachers encouraged me to keep up the good work. I continued my education through college even though life as a student was not always easy. Like many other students, I had to balance my time between school and work, but in my case I was by myself in a foreign country. Sometimes, I felt jealous about how other kids had their parents to support them not only financially but also emotionally, I didn't have that privilege. I had ups and downs but always managed to land on my feet in the end. Thanks to these experiences, I have become a mature adult and a better person.
I am currently attending XXX College where I pursue an XXX degree in XXXX. I am a XXXX Scholar and member of the XXXX Honor Society. During my journey, I have grown as a student. I have learned to overcome challenges, to adapt to a new social environment. I learned to never give up when you feel pushed by your problems because when you believe in yourself you can make your goals happen. At Rutgers, I would to gain the skills to lead a successful and productive life. I am passionate about science and I see myself conducting scientific research in the future. As a professional, I would like to give back to the community what the community is now giving me. I want open my wings and fly even higher. I want to go to a four-year school where I can develop my potential, increase my knowledge and make my dreams come true. My goal is to major in XXXX and eventually focus on XXXX. I would like to pursue a PhD in the future . I seek the power to change my life as well as the lives of those around me.
prompt:
Rutgers requires that you provide a short essay that is your original work. Please reflect on what you consider to be an important personal experience related to your talents, interests, or commitments. Using this experience, please tell us what you learned about yourself. How will this experience prepare you for success at Rutgers?
my essay :
Eight years ago I arrived to this land seeking better opportunities. Opportunities that were limited in my home country. Coming from a home where my mother was the only support for me and my two younger sisters, the possibility of going to college was not something I took for granted. As a kid I enjoyed watching history and science related TV shows, Beakman's World was one my of my favorites. I was curious and found myself fascinated by science. My mother encouraged my childhood explorations, she taught me how to count and multiply as early as five years old. I used to picture myself as an adult wearing a lab coat, working with beakers, flasks, microscopes and lab rats. I wanted to go to college someday, not only to get a higher education but also to be able to get a job to help my mother and sisters. As I grew older I realized that in order to make your dreams come true you have to make sacrifices and take risks.
It was not easy to leave my family and friends behind but I was determined to work hard to achieve my goals. I was not going to let the adversities get in my way. So there I was one afternoon, getting off a plane at XXXX Airport with a backpack on my back and suitcase full of dreams. I knew I had the potential to change my life and succeed despite the new challenges ahead of me. A month later, I took the first step and enrolled in school. The teachers, my classmates, the educational system, everything was so different. I didn't see that as a challenge but rather as an opportunity to learn and experience new things. I learned English and was placed in regular classes in less than a year. I felt motivated by the fact that teachers encouraged me to keep up the good work. I continued my education through college even though life as a student was not always easy. Like many other students, I had to balance my time between school and work, but in my case I was by myself in a foreign country. Sometimes, I felt jealous about how other kids had their parents to support them not only financially but also emotionally, I didn't have that privilege. I had ups and downs but always managed to land on my feet in the end. Thanks to these experiences, I have become a mature adult and a better person.
I am currently attending XXX College where I pursue an XXX degree in XXXX. I am a XXXX Scholar and member of the XXXX Honor Society. During my journey, I have grown as a student. I have learned to overcome challenges, to adapt to a new social environment. I learned to never give up when you feel pushed by your problems because when you believe in yourself you can make your goals happen. At Rutgers, I would to gain the skills to lead a successful and productive life. I am passionate about science and I see myself conducting scientific research in the future. As a professional, I would like to give back to the community what the community is now giving me. I want open my wings and fly even higher. I want to go to a four-year school where I can develop my potential, increase my knowledge and make my dreams come true. My goal is to major in XXXX and eventually focus on XXXX. I would like to pursue a PhD in the future . I seek the power to change my life as well as the lives of those around me.