Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS 2: Shopping as a hobby. Why? Good or Bad!


sanaqvi 6 / 12  
Jan 17, 2013   #1
Shopping is inevitable for everyone. Yet, it has dramatically changed its dynamics more recently as numbers of people prefer to spend their free time in shopping malls. This trend has taken the form of a hobby and has replaced many leisure activities. It is agreed that shopping as a fun activity is an unhealthy trend seriously affecting our society. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss reasons for this happening as well as points supporting my opinion.

This is largely attributed to the role of Media strongly affecting its audience. Take an example of dress shows excessively highlighted by TV channels. People watching these programs tend to copy these designs and wander around shops for countless hours. Similarly, lavish life styles shown in dramas affect many young-ones and they try to follow the same by any means. Also, stardom plays a key role enticing people to live a life-style like their heroes.

Disadvantages of shopping as a hobby outweigh its advantage. First, people waste considerable amount of their free time that could be used on more fruitful activities. For instance, week-end spend with family going out for a trip will bring more happiness for an individual as well as family. It will strengthen family ties and energise a person for week ahead. Second, inability to buy costly things will give rise to extreme stress and anxiety. As a result, society will become even tense.

From above discussion, it is clear that quickly evolving trend of using free time in shopping places is not a very good advancement. It may become a basis for dissatisfaction among people in society. It is therefore highly recommended to use free time in more constructive hobbies.
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Jan 17, 2013   #2
Shopping is inevitable for everyone.
You could also say this: "Shopping is a chore that every person must do."

Yet, it has dramatically changed itsThe recent dynamics more recentlyof shopping have changed, as numbers of people prefer to spend their free time in shopping malls.

It is agreed that shopping asis a fun activity but is also an unhealthy trend that is seriously affecting our society.

Take an example of dress shows excessively highlighted by TV channels. People watching these programs tend to copy these designs and wander around shops for countless hours. Similarly, lavish life styles shown in dramas affect many young-ones and they try to follow the same by any means. Also, stardom plays a key role enticing people to live a life-style like their heroes.


I think that using the media as an negative influence on society is a great idea. I think that you can improve upon your explanation of this situation. When people see advertisements, it makes them feel like they need that item, to keep up with fashion standards, or to keep buying new clothes when the ones they already have is fine... this leads to wastefulness. People do like to look at fashion magazines that make products like clothing makeup perfume look glamorous, when these item are completely unnecessary. By purchasing these items, some people may later feel guilty for wasting their money, or may end up with credit cards they cannot pay.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jan 17, 2013   #3
Shopping is inevitable for everyone.
You could also say this: "Shopping is a chore that every person must do."

Good suggestion :) & lots of good advice from Jenny : )

I will discuss reasons for this happeningtrend as well as pointsexamples supporting my opinion.

"trend" is a good key word that goes with this theme. Also, it is better to express your opinion right here rather than a statement like this. That would set your examiner follow you in your desired direction. :)

I personally believe that shopping as a hobby is not a positive trend for the following reasons;

This is largely attributed to the role of Media strongly affecting its audience.

This trend is largely attributed to the role played by media, especially with their heavy advertising.
jasmine4ever 5 / 13 1  
Jan 17, 2013   #4
Take an example of dress shows excessively highlighted by TV channels.

You could say, "For example many dresses are shown" and you could add "which are" between excessively and highlighted.

Similarly, lavish life styles shown in dramas affect many young-ones

You could put "have" in between styles and shown. affect=affected

For instance,week-end

weekend is one word.

society will become even tense

add a "more" in between even and tense.

Hope this helps! :)


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Shopping as a hobby. Why? Good or Bad!