Hi, this is my writing for IELTS task 2. Thanks for taking a look, it means so much to me!
To what extend do you think shopping becoming a hobby instead of a routine task in the past is a positive trend?
Nowadays, shopping is no longer a chore but a hobby. In the past, people only spend money on daily necessities. However, as time goes by, people's standard of living has improved, shopping no longer limit to necessities but can be or pleasure. Though there are some drawbacks to this trend, the positive impacts are far more remarkable.
Shopping as a hobby means that people are putting more money into buying extraordinary things. It in turn favours international trading. Businessmen strikes to provide innovative and new products to customers. Subsequently, it creates more jobs. For example, fast fashion has taken the fashion world by storm. It creates large demand for affordable clothing, which can only be made in less developed countries where the cost of labour is the least. Nevertheless, it provides job opportunities and help these impoverished countries to keep up with the development of other countries. Moreover, it can be a life changer to these people by improving their livelihood.
Furthermore, i provides the exchange of cultures. Some people spend money on artifacts as a hobby, it may not be of practical use but it definitely carries history and culture. The image of the Tower of London appears on various keychains and T-shirts across London. Imagine how many tourists will be intrigued to learn the history of the Tower of London because of these souvenirs all round the city due to the demand of shopping for leisure.
To me, the change of shopping culture brings more positivity than drawbacks. There is never a change that is perfect and acceptable by all but I do believe this change in the nature of shopping is beneficial to us on the long-term.
This is decent letter but I feel the intro can be rephrased a bit:
People only spent money...
However, as time
goes by has passed OR "As people's standard of living has improved over the years"
shopping is no longer limited
1/ the lengths of two body paragraph are not similar
2/ you should write more complex or compound sentences, your essay have a lot of simple sentences.
3/ I do not know what "it" is refered to ( the last sentence of the second paragragh)
4/ This sentence "Some people spend money on artifacts as ..." didn't prove anything and not related to your topic sentence.
5/ You refer to drawbacks in both intro and conclusion, but there is no reference about them on your body paragragh.
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I believe that your discussion is in error. You discussed the act of creating goods for shopping and its benefits to the businessmen and society. The actual discussion was asking about shopping changing from being a routine task, meaning something people have to do repeatedly, whether they want to or not, to becoming a hobby, meaning people do it for fun. Your essay did not consider the actual application of the keywords "hobby" and "routine task" . Due to your misunderstanding of the keywords, you did not properly develop the essay. It should have reflected the attitude of people towards shopping which is, from being something they have to do even if they don't want to, to something that they are doing regularly because they get benefits from doing it as a hobby. As a routine task, shopping means always buying the same goods every time you go to the store. By shopping as a hobby, one can buy different things are various stores, it is no longer a preset list of items to buy every week, hence the term "routine task".