Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


The shortage of nurses largely affects the health care system around the world



dils 20 / 32  
Sep 22, 2016   #1
IELTS Summary 12: Nurse Migration

The shortage of nurses largely affects the health care system around the world. In developing countries, this shortage primary because nurses migrate to developed countries searching for a better prosperity. Different with developed countries, the shortage of nurses related with an aging population that requires more health care services.

The nurse migration itself left unfilled position in origin country. As a result, there are only a few number of qualified health care practitioners who have to face many patients. Concerned with this condition, health care services often administered by assistant nurses who have only basic skills. Thus, this migration actually leave some problems behind both in developing and developed countries.

ibe13 36 / 38  
Sep 22, 2016   #2
here are my thoughts for you

In developing countries, this shortage is primary because (...) countries searching for a better prosperitymaking a living .

Different withfrom developed countries, the shortage of nurses related withto an aging population that requiresrequiring(reducing of adjective clause) more health care services.

The nurse migration itself left unfilled position in origin country.(it is not needed)

As a result, there are only a fewfew number of qualified health ...

... health care services are often administered by assistant nurses who havehaving only basic skills.

Thusoverall , this migration actually leave some problems behind bothbetween in developing and developed countries.
Dioba 68 / 97  
Sep 25, 2016   #3
Hi dils, after reading your summary, i have some suggestions, perhaps usefull for you.
1.Thus , this migration actually leave some problems behind both in ...--->this is conclusion sentence. i suggest you to use finally or overall.
2.Different with developed countries, the shortage ------>Different from developed countries, the shortage.
for compare condition.
3.The shortage of nurses largely affects ----> The shortage of nurseshas largely affects
4.this shortage primary because nurses -----. this shortage primaryfactor because nurses or the main factor ...


Home / Writing Feedback / The shortage of nurses largely affects the health care system around the world
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳