TOEFL: "My shy girlfriend" - people should be honest

DETAILED PROMPT:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should state their honest opinions even though they know others might disagree with them.

Sorry for some essay of mine possess same feel to read, I'm try to unify my essay so that I can write it quickly and better.

Thanks in advance :)

I have a beautiful, brilliant but a little shy girlfriend, every time during the class discussion, she is always capable of finding other's fault, then writes it to me and encourages me to speak out. Once I asked her why she can't say it by herself, she explained," I don't think it is polite so I'll let you do this" Though many, like my girlfriend, are not willing to state their honest and different opinion, I believe there is only one thing can make the class or lecture more polite and acceptable, only one thing can help us make progress from conversation, that is honest, which means directly points out the honest views, even though it contradicts other's. I'm not mean to blame my girlfriend, but that's why I agree with the statement.

Hiding honest opinion indeed has some merits in business office. Take my friend, nicky, for example. He works in a technology company, which is managed by an polymath of interactive design. Once the manager proposed an idea about a product, this idea has fantastic surface design but its technology is, at least now, unattainable. Every engineering employee knows this fact but no one has courage to say no publicly. Nicky pointed out the reason is they don't want to bother the manager and lose job. This example illustrates the plausible benefit from hiding honest opinion, but people have failed to realize the fact that honest opinion would be helpful in other scenarios.

Expressing honest opinions is a polite way in class or lecture. As we all know, teachers always encourage us to show our honest opinions, even which are different from others or teacher's. Consider, a teacher puts a question and a possible answer to urge students to express their own point of view, but there are no one dares to say anything, it would be impolite, and may cause embarrassment for the teacher. To set another example, when a famous professor is giving lecture to we students, if there are no interaction, it would be boring and not so impressed. So expressing different opinions is a polite and correct way, even if it may makes argument. However, in a sense, argument is helpful.

To sum up, I don't think my girlfriend's behavior is advocated, but I believe that expressing your own honest opinions has plenty of benefits.

Nicky, in answer to your question in another post, highlight the text and use the reply/quote button to get the same format that I do :-) Now for your essay. I hope I can help you out. It does not matter is the essay uses the same people as characters and examples, as long as you use their presence in the essay in the proper context. Meaning, whatever it is you are attributing to them is connected to the essay prompt. Such as in the case of this essay.


- While you present a nice situation opener here, you were not able to represent the prompt in the introduction. Don't forget, you need to restate that in the introduction in order to let people know what the discussion is. Do this before you present your point of view at the end of the statement. Now, let me show you how to shorten this introduction.

- My shy girlfriend would often pass notes to me in class, asking me to make statements on her behalf. She told me that she asked me to do it because she did not think it was polite to do so. While I recognize that there are some people who do not want to express their honest opinions in public, there are those who choose to do so. I am one of those people. If we don't voice out our opinions, our world will go into chaos, there won't be any true leadership and everyone will merely be followers instead of leaders. That is why I am of the opinion that people should always state their honest opinions.


- Rather showing examples every time, you should try to develop your analytical and defense skills by presenting you opinions straight out. The reason you should do this is because essays that ask for your opinion or degree of assessment expect you to discuss or argue your stance on a matter. Try that in your next essay. No examples, just say what you want to say.

-Hiding an honest opinion sometimes has its benefits. Specially in an office setting where the department heads often believe that they are better than the rank and file employees so they do not take kindly to the opinion of lower ranking employees. However, this also has its drawbacks. In case the plan of the department head fails, he will then blame his subordinates for not being honest with him. So honesty comes with some risks in certain instances. But if you are willing to accept these risks, then you should present your honest opinion.


- Again with the examples. You know what to do with this right? Revise it by going straight to the point.
- When one is asked to present an opinion, such as in the classroom or public discussion, one should do so. This encourages free thinking and exercises ones right to express himself without fear or doubt. There are no wrong or right opinions. Only honest opinions. Honest opinions often earn the respect of the teachers, professors, and other ordinary people when these are freely given and discussed or defended within reason.


I hope my comments help you out.As you can see, the essay could have been much shorter but informative. You should strive to achieve that kind of essay because it will save you time and offer you a chance to review your paper and improve it if needed with time to spare before submission. I am looking forward to the reading the second version :-)

I, too, do agree. You have to clearly present the prompt in the introduction. I think that sort of opener is not appropriate for TOEFL. Just restate your prompt, then present your point of view (thesis. An introduction should not be too long. It usually comprises of two or three sentences.