TASK 2- Both sides and opinion - Teenagers should concetrate on the whole school materials

QUESTION:
Some people believe that teenagers should concetrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

ANSWER:

Primary and secondary pupils are suggested to master on the whole school materials as to have broadened point of view, while some argue that focused learning at the most favourite subjects is more valued for the youngsters since they will enjoy the process. I opine that both sides will give valuable insights with the appropriate arrangement.

Having the responsibility to understand abundant school lessons will probably enrich the student's knowledge. However, it leads into under pressure atmosphere and is more likely to make the student do other activities during ongoing class to cope with stress. Taking an example, South Korean Senior High School students are forced to study for more than 12 hours per day, and it continues day by day. Thus, chatting with their friends during class become more popular in recent years.

Interactive classes with one focused subject are more probably motivated the student to develop their ability since they are feeling happy. The comfortable ambience offered will raise student's creativities to create such innovation, which have a valuable function. For instance, since the 2013 curriculum had established in Indonesia, students were given the freedom to prioritize a school subject. This new approach is proven for increasing the student's invention in the last seven years.

In my opinion, the curriculum should be given in the general approach to give the student a clear study foundation. Then, they allow to choose their favourite subject to be an expert to develop meaningful results in their subject.

In conclusion, encouraging students to conquer all school subjects will benefit for the student's knowledge to tackle the future challenges, while a tailored one will bring the pupils to be a star in their preferred subject. The education ministry should consider the youngster's potential when planning a curriculum study.

Improving your grammar is one thing, actually writing an essay that applies to the prompt discussion is another. Your overall essay failed to address the requirement of the original topic. That is, you did not properly discuss the essay based on the 2 public points of view, prior to your delivering a personal point of view. You did not use the suggested / required discussion topics for the discussion. This led to the overall incorrect discussion topic and format in your reasoning paragraphs.

The topics for discussion are:
- teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects.
- teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest.
- give your opinion based on a comparison of the two discussion points.

Your opinion must be based on the comparative points, proving a side of the discussion you support instead of developing a point of view that is not indicated in the original prompt. You are not to deviate from the original prompt topics and discussion format. Your opinion should not be stated at the end of the paraphrase as you have not compared the positive and negative elements of the two discussion topics yet. Hence, you are not yet capable of making an informed opinion.

Your synonyms are incorrect. Primary students have no place in the discussion. Only secondary students, young adults, youngsters, or adolescents may be referred to in the essay since it refers to teenagers. Stay on point and do not make a mistake with synonym usage. That will affect your LR score.

Like I said, your discussion points are incorrect since you are not using the given topics from the original prompt. I cannot review your essay beyond this point because of the error in discussion topic and format. Both of which resulted in a prompt alteration on your part. The essay is incorrect overall.