IELTS 2: A significant decrease in the number of high street shops has been witnessed lately

high street shops have gone out of business

A significant decrease in the number of high street shops has been witnessed lately. In my opinion, it is the rising popularity of online trading that contributes to the detriment of onsite shopping. This entails both positive and negative impacts which will be discussed below.

There is an array of reasons why online shopping is becomingly dominating nowadays market. Firstly, it is way more convenient and time-consuming for buyers when purchasing something online is just a matter of minutes. While shops on high streets often offer a limited range of products, almost everything one can demand could be found via some smartphone trading applications or websites. To sellers' perspectives, running an online commercial is more cost-effective due to less tax and capital, fewer employees needed.

The fact that many high street shops have gone out brings about many positive effects. More of these shops disappeared results in more room for other public areas. There could be more space for pedestrians in the streets and avenues since more pavements are freed. However, landholders would probably receive less income form shopping house renting. Less human resources needed could turn many people unemployed. In addition, some may feel unenjoyable as there are fewer places for them to reunite with relatives and friends. More importantly, the elder could face difficulties now that their go-to stores have been removed, while shopping online is no habit they are familiar with.

In conclusion, the increasing buyers' and sellers' favor of online trading is considered the main cause of high street shop reduction. Alongside this tendency comes both positive and negative aspects.

Hope to receive your feedback!

The main problem with the essay is, it is a single opinion essay. You are being asked to provide a clear point of view regarding the positive or negative consideration of the discussion. You cannot say that both have benefits and drawbacks because that is not the instruction for the discussion. The final question for this discussion was, "Do you think this is a positive or negative development?". The basis of your response to that question must relate to the reason that you think high street shops are on the decline. Based on your reason for the decline, you should be able to clearly offer an opinion regarding the "positive or negative" choice you were provided with. The 4 paragraph essay should be composed of:

Par. 1: Topic paraphrase + question short responses
Par. 2: Reason explanation
Par. 3: Positive or negative based on the reason provided ( Pick one side to defend)
Par. 4: Discussion summary

In your 3rd paragraph, you provided an under developed explanation because you tried to defend both sides of the discussion. This resulted in a confusing representation of the discussion and a violation of the TA requirement that indicates "presents a clear opinion regarding the topic". As such, the essay will face scoring difficulties in an actual test.

Due to the lack of coherence and cohesiveness in the presentation, caused by the confusing "positive or negative" discussion, the essay no longer carries a sense of clarity in the same way that a single reason, related opinion (positive or negative) could have. Without a clear opinion, your TA score will definitely prevent this essay from achieving a proper score.

@Holt thank you for your comments!