IELTS Task 2: Disappearance of high street shops

Task 2:Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years.
Why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development?

DISAPPEARANCE OF HIGH STREET SHOPS

It is true that the number of traditional shops on the streets has decreased significantly in recent years. This essay would initially attempt to pinpoint the causes of this phenomenon and subsequently show my belief that this is a negative trend in the long run.

In my opinion, the disappearance of these traditional shops could be primarily attributed to the advent of online shopping services. Compared to brick-and-mortar shops, online shopping platforms are faster, cheaper and more convenient in different ways. People can sit at home, search for the best deal, pay, and receive a delivery the next day without having to go to many shops to find needed items. As for me, I would probably prefer to purchase books on Amazon, which is e-commerce websites, due to its convenience and economization. Hence, a large number of shops succumb to internet purchasing and shopping and ultimately vanish.

As far as I am concerned, the scarcity of traditional shops followed by the prevalence of online purchasing would bring about negative effects in the long run. From an environmental perspective, the transporting process to the online customer would produce a substantial amount of emissions, making a contribution to severe air pollution. Furthermore, to some extent, I believe this tendency would result in loss of cultural diversity as a number of communities would slowly fade away. For instance, future generations in Vietnam would not have a chance to observe lively and colorful traditional shops.

In conclusion, online shopping is the primary reason for the significant disappearance of brick-and-mortar shops. In light of aforementioned evidence, I am behind the idea that this could have serious repercussions on the environment as well as national cultural diversity.

P/S: I have a question :< . My friends told me that in an IELTS essay, we should avoid using words like " I" ," my " . However, I think these words are necessary in tasks which require our personal opinion. Could you guys please tell me whether or not we should use these words please ? Thanks

@taeyonieee
I think that your essay is fairly good as you developed your idea fully and demontrated them with examples. Your introduction can be improved by giving some more details on what the reasons are and why do you think it is negative.

Regarding your question. I think the aim of avoiding first person is to make your essay sound more objective so it is better to avoid those words when giving examples or explaination but it is ok to use them to express your viewpoints. This is a personal ides thought. I also want to hear from other members on this matter.

It works this way. If you face a prompt that asks any o the following:

- Do you agree or disagree?
- To what extent do you agree or disagree?
- What is your opinion?
- Give your point of view based on personal experience or knowledge

Then you must use the first person pronoun to indicate your personal opinion. However, if the discussion is:

- Discuss both points of view

Then you must use the second or third person point of view. Now, when you get combination instructions:

- Discuss both points of view AND give your own opinion

Then start with "both points of view" from the second or third person reference point. End with the personal opinion side using the first person reference.

The idea is to prove that you know how to use all the pronoun sentence formations in your essay. Since there are 3 reference points:

- First person
- Second person
- Third person

Then you need to show the examiner that you know how to properly use all reference points in the creation of simple and complex sentences that represent a clear explanation through an interconnected paragraph discussion.

@Holt
@vuthuylinh2611
Thank you guys. I really appreciate your help <3

Overall, your essay is so good that you are capable of combing your views and the examples completely. I agree with @ vuthuylinh2611 that your introduce should be improved by another expressions.