Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


IELTS Writing Task 2 Simulation: Parents Spend Little Time with Children Nowadays



Trias 23 / 27  
May 21, 2015   #1
Parents spend less of their time with their children in this modern era, compared to the past time. Some people thinks that it makes the children suffer. Do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age, children get smaller portion of their parents' time to be spent together, compared with their grandparents whose time had been used in a bigger portion to be with their children. It leads people to assume that children have less happy childhood than their parents did. On the contrary, I strongly believe that eventually it will benefit the children for the following reasons.

Firstly, children in the present days are accustomed to have a limited time to be together with their parents since the day they were born. A recent study showed that more than three-quarters of total mothers in 10 big cities in Indonesia are working as an employee. All women employees in Indonesia only have three months of maternity leave. After spending their leave permit to be with their children 24/7, the mothers get back to work, leaving their children with babysitters or in a daycare facility. Hence, children had started to learn and do many things without their parents from their early ages. As a result, they grow to be an independent person.

Another thing to consider is although parents are not physically spending time with their children, the technology in this modern era can support them to communicate each other with no time or space boundaries. Having enabled to constantly get in touch and monitor their children's activities (such as chat messengers, voice message, video calls, or even trace their children's position), children grow more consciousness to take responsibility of their actions.

In conclusion, although parents spend only a little time with their children, it virtually does not make the children suffer. In fact, they can grow up to be independent and responsible persons as they get used to do things on their own, while still communicate with their parents who constantly watch over them. However, from my of thinking, despite the support system in parenting get more advanced at the present time than it was in the past, all parents must have their own way in raising their children.

Hettymsk 9 / 6  
May 23, 2015   #2
Hello mba @trias

- I think you forgot to put "way" on " from my way of thinking".

- I suggest you to explain agreement or the disadvantages of modern lifestyle to parents, even though you are more into disagreement toward the given topic.

^^


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Simulation: Parents Spend Little Time with Children Nowadays
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳