Hi! I'm practicing for the Toefl writing task 2. Please help me review my essay. Thank you!
Topic :
DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT?
Smartphones have caused more harm than good to our society.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
My essay:
With the developement of modern technology in this day and age, smartphones has become increasingly popular in society. However, whether this equipment has a positive or negative influence on our life remains controversial. In my opinon, its drawbacks far outweights its advantages. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.
Firstly, smartphones pose a threat to human's health. Spending too much time on this gadget can adversly affect our eyes in the long run. Take my younger brother as an example, instead of hanging out with friends or participating in outdoor activities, he spent most of his spare time texting, playing games or surfing the net on his smartphone. It appeared that he was addicted to the phone. As a result, after a long time, he suffered from several serious vision issues, such as dry eyes or short-sightedness. He regretted having used smartphone in an uncontrolled way. That is the reason why this tool is harmful and we should be careful when using it.
Second, smartphones also reduce communication and interaction among people. Nowadays, teenagers have a tendency to stick to their phone screen even when their friends are around. Due to the presence of smartphones, youngsters are less likely to have face to face conversation with people around them. For instance, one time I had a meeting with my old classmates from highschool. We gathered in a coffee, however, instead of talking, exchanging information, sharing stories or recalling memories together, everybody seemed to be distracted by their phones. We did not pay attention to the subject of the talk and wasted our times dealing with personal things on the phones. Hence, there seemed to be an unvisual barrier between us.
In conclusion, I believe that smartphones adversely impact our society, for they not only cause damage to our health, but also reduce interactive activities among people.
Topic :
DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT?
Smartphones have caused more harm than good to our society.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
My essay:
With the developement of modern technology in this day and age, smartphones has become increasingly popular in society. However, whether this equipment has a positive or negative influence on our life remains controversial. In my opinon, its drawbacks far outweights its advantages. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.
Firstly, smartphones pose a threat to human's health. Spending too much time on this gadget can adversly affect our eyes in the long run. Take my younger brother as an example, instead of hanging out with friends or participating in outdoor activities, he spent most of his spare time texting, playing games or surfing the net on his smartphone. It appeared that he was addicted to the phone. As a result, after a long time, he suffered from several serious vision issues, such as dry eyes or short-sightedness. He regretted having used smartphone in an uncontrolled way. That is the reason why this tool is harmful and we should be careful when using it.
Second, smartphones also reduce communication and interaction among people. Nowadays, teenagers have a tendency to stick to their phone screen even when their friends are around. Due to the presence of smartphones, youngsters are less likely to have face to face conversation with people around them. For instance, one time I had a meeting with my old classmates from highschool. We gathered in a coffee, however, instead of talking, exchanging information, sharing stories or recalling memories together, everybody seemed to be distracted by their phones. We did not pay attention to the subject of the talk and wasted our times dealing with personal things on the phones. Hence, there seemed to be an unvisual barrier between us.
In conclusion, I believe that smartphones adversely impact our society, for they not only cause damage to our health, but also reduce interactive activities among people.