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Social networking is the leading cause why individuals are losing interaction among family members


Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
Oct 4, 2016   #1

Social Interaction Through Social Networking



Internet-based social networking sites are designed to help bring people together. However, they have a negative effect on the way we communicate with one another. Do you agree or disagree?

The way people communicate via the Internet is undoubtedly beneficial in which they can interact one another even in far distance. However, I would argue that this method is the primary factor of weakening social bond among people in their real lives and it can be a breakdown of several relationships.

Social networking is the leading cause why individuals become lack of interaction among family members. This is because people who are addicted to surfing on social media canals such as Facebook, Twitter or Telegram become more insensitive in the reality. Obviously, Bong Seon Hwa, a young Korean mother, had a tragic accident last year when she was enjoyable to chat with her friends in Facebook but she forgot to take care of her baby. This resulted in the daughter falling from the bed and suffering serious fracture on his backbone. However, a number of overseas students use video conference to keep in touch with their families intensively.

There are cohort married couples getting misunderstandings related to statements submitted in the social networking. The reason is there is not facial expression or gestures which can confirm their definite feelings and intentions. A 2010 survey by Pew Research Center reveals that 65 percent of American couples using digital applications to communicate each other acknowledged that posting photos with colleagues in Instagram can drive in jealous and long-standing dispute with their partners. It is clearly that social networking can ruin harmonious relationships.

In conclusion, while it is generally true that social networking facilitate people to interact with their far relatives more easily, but it can cause considerable disruptions in their relationships. Hopefully, citizens use the Internet wisely to communicate both with their virtual and real lives.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Oct 5, 2016   #2
Hi Ilmy.
I am pleased to read your essay because you have understood about the systematic of the essay.
In this moment, I focus on contents of your essay. Meet my notes and deal with them.

the Internet is undoubtedly beneficial in which they can interact one

the Internet is undoubtedly beneficial BECAUSE they can
(Use proper words to describe what you mind)

You forget to paraphrase the statement that Internet-based social networking sites have a detrimental mental. A closer look at your essay reveals you directly enter in the thesis statement, whereas it is one of edges in the topic.

more insensitive in the reality. Obviously, Bong Seon Hwa, a young Korean mother,

This has a bad flow. You should finalize your sentence to make it smoother.
MORE INSENSITIVE IN THE REALITY. THE EFFECT CAN BE OBVIOUSLY SEEN IN AN ACCIDENT IN KOREA WHERE BONG SEON HWA AS A YOUNG MOTHER.....
Make sure yourself that it is like in your mind

However, a number of overseas students use video conference ...

HOWEVER, THE SOCIAL NETWORKING WEBSITES ARE HARNESSED BY A LARGE NUMBER OF STUDENTS TO MAKE A VIDEO CONFERENCE SO THAT THEY CAN KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEIR FAMILIES EASILY.

heir far relatives more easily, but it can cause considerable disruptions in their relationships

You should mention the disruptions what you meant and explained in the body paragraph although those are only describe by one-two words.

OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB


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