Social networks are gradually replacing the direct communication among many people

Essay about the advantage and disadvantage of social media

Please help me correct my essay. Thank you so much.
Q: The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

A:
Along with the advent and development of the internet, social networks are also constantly evolving and are gradually replacing the direct communication among many people. Although there are some nagative effects of social media, the benefits that social media bring is enormous.

First of all, thanks to social media, so that people who are half the world apart can see and talk to each other. Childrent studying abroad, parents working far away from home can keep in touch with their families on a daily basis using the video call features of Facebook, Skype or various other apps. Secondly, social networking offers a great opportunity for companies and traders to easily bring their products to many consumers. Furthermore, in the present era, when the corona virus epidemic broke out, social media contributed significantly to the fight against the spread of corona virus.

Aside from the benefits, the fact that people use too much of online communication via social network also has some harms. Being too immersed in the screen of computer or smartphone can make people forget how to socialize. Moreover, social media also has hidden hazards that if we are not alert, we may become a victim of it.

In conclusion, even if there are minor drawbacks, I strongly believe that the communication tools bring many advantages to both individuals and communities.

Okay, I am not going to review this essay beyond the task accuracy requirements and your writing response. Since you wrote only 222 words, the essay will automatically receive points deductions for an incomplete minimum word count. This could actually cause you to get a final failing score in the actual test because the TA requirements for writing were not met.

Your response is correct in the sense that you focused your response to the question on the "outweigh" section of the question. Your reasoning responses also focused on this defense although some paragraphs are better presented than the others in terms of clarity and connected explanations / examples.

The next problem though, is in the concluding summary, which you failed to properly write. You did not stick to simply repeating your opinion and reasons, you changed the discussion angle from the "outweigh" portion to "advantages and disadvantages". You changed the discussion parameters at the end, which is not good for your final scoring consideration. Just summarize the presentation next time.