Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Writing Task 2 - Socialising online or in person



jinnakamura 1 / 2  
Apr 6, 2023   #1

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person.


Why do you think this is the case?
What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


In today's modern world, it is believed that the adolescent has more tendency to create online network rather than making real-life relationships. This occurs due to the convenience that the internet has provided and in order to prevent its consequence, the young should be encouraged to foster their network in reality.

There are two main causes that explain the tendency of making friends via virtual life of the juvenile. First and foremost, social networking sites provide users with a vast amount of convenient functions which connect people regardless of time and location. To be more specific, teenagers are now not only can easily add a new friend into their list of friends, widen their connection to other people but also freely express their opinion in a convenient and time-saving way. For example, Facebook contains millions of groups with similarity in hobbies, passions and purposes, in which the young can access to their desired community within one click. Besides, the breakout of Covid-19 has influenced the way people, especially the teenager's communication way as they have to spend hours doing everything such as studying or playing games online, which weakens their ability to create face-to-face conversations.

Several solutions should be taken up in order to tackle the issue as spending a large amount of time on virtual relationships can not only cause anxiety and depression but also disconnect to reality. It is advisable that parents and teachers encourage their children to create healthy bonds with real-life peers by forming study groups or sport teams. Besides, time limitation for using technological devices should be set off in order to manage the juvenile's online duration. For instance, they are able to use their phone 30 minutes after supper and are not allowed to use them one hour before going to bed.

In conclusion, it is true that adolescent nowadays tend to create online relationships because of its convenience. However, possible solutions should be taken up to restrict this trend.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Apr 8, 2023   #2
Excellent work on the prompt restatement and writer's opinion. The accuracy by which you reworded the original prompt will not go unnoticed by the examiner. Your opinion is clearly stated with short form responses to the questions given, thereby allowing you to create a solid writer's opinion supported by a strong thesis statement.

The examiner will also notice that you are very familiar with the topic, which will help with your C+C score. However, the same score will also be affected negatively by the over discussions present. You need to equally discuss the reasons you provide in both reasoning paragraphs. What I see as lacking in your discussion are not transition words, but proper transition sentences and phrases that would coherently connect the 2 reasons in the paragraph. While transition words do earn a good score, transition sentences show advanced English writing skills and gains more points in the C+C and GRA sections.

I do not see much problems with you expressing yourself in a written manner. The essay is developed well enough for at least a passing score. Slight improvements to your writing skills will further increase the scoring potential per section. Good work !
OP jinnakamura 1 / 2  
Apr 12, 2023   #3
Thank you for your detailed feedback!


Home / Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Socialising online or in person
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳