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IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Socializing online or meeting one another in person?


njmpjs 1 / -  
Mar 3, 2023   #1

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person.


Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

It is true that a number of teenagers choosing socialising online rather than communicating directly. There are a number of reasons behind this phenomenon and several solutions should be adopted to improve the situation.

There are two main reason why the young opt for meeting online. One reason is that it is cost-effective. By creating a account in social platforms such as Facebook, Instagram or Telegram, which is free in most cases, teenagers would put aside an amount of money. The money saved allow them to invest in themself, including broadening their horizons and diversifying their daily intake, in turn creating their value. Furthermore, online meeting provides the young with a sense of privacy. There are numerous introverted people who are tend to be reserved and always want to isolate themselves from the society. When attending a virtual conversation, they could express their true identity and become whomever they want to be with less fear.

Fortunately, several measures could be taken to prevent this problem. The first solution would be setting a higher price for the Internet service. This would make the teenagers change their behaviour towards this platform as they migh not be able to afford this service due to the limited allowance from their parents. A second measure would be the facilitating from the communities. Parents need to give advice and example on how essential it is to have a real network and interaction for their future as they have the most influence on their offsprings.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for the tendency of teenagers engaging in virtual meeting rather than face-to-face contact and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem

PLEASE GIVE ME THE FEEDBACK AND THE IELTS BAND SCORE OF THIS ESSAY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,686 4759  
Mar 4, 2023   #2
As far as the prompt restatement is considered, it is not a very good representation of the original topic. That is because you have stated an opinion (It is true that...) when there was never a consideration of the truthfulness of the topic being discussed. So minus accuracy points for that. Then you restated the writing instructions rather than providing an opinion thesis statement. Additional deductions due to a lack of clear writer's opinion in the paragraph. Starting score based on the paragraph content? Failed.

The first reasoning paragraph fails to create a strong reason for the validity of the savings discussion. This should have been compared to the real life, face to face meetings that could cost money if done in say a restaurant, club, or the mall. Comparative discussion formats could be used in this instance since there is a comparative point for discussion, money and savings. The explanation is not fully threshed out for the benefit of the reader. It leaves the paragraph open to questions, thus not being a convincing presentation.

The first solution would be setting a higher price for the Internet service.

Incorrect solution. This would affect even those who work from home and require the service for things other than socialization. This is a failing solution. The solution is not focused on the proper discusison parameters. It is not a logical solution based on the situation provided. In terms of discussion acciracy and relevance, this is not an acceptable nor passing presentation.

A concluding summary needs to have at least 40 words and 2 sentences in the presentation. The paragraph does not meet that requirement. So there is no reason for that paragraph to meet with a passing score either. There is no proper summary of the main topic, causes, and solutions, as necessary for a comprehensive summary presentation.


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