Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The society and young people impact on it


improve_writing 1 / 1  
Jul 25, 2018   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people today have no influence on the important decisions that determine the future of society as a whole.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


young is the future



Young people are regarded as the minority to the society, compare to the adult. Therefore, some people argue that youngsters have little influence when it comes to making crucial decisions about the future of society as a whole. However, I believe that young people are powerful to make important impacts on the society.

To begin with, young people are excel at using the power of social media to spread their ideas across. In other words, social media enable us to spread information and ideology more efficient than traditional media such as television and newspaper. For example, thanks to the internet, the Sunflower Movement happened in Taiwan two years ago quickly gather students' strength to resist the trade pack passed by the government. Were it not for the easy access to the information distribution on the facebook, young people are not able to influence the decision of the government.

Furthermore, young people are more educated; therefore, they would not be confined in the outdated knowledge and would make some difference to the society. For instance, international relationship becomes more complicated in this era. Young people learn the updated information about economy, politics, and law, equipping them with the ability to rule the world in the future. On the other hand, the adult nowadays fails to catch up with the pace of youngsters would gradually lose their significance in the future.

Last but not least, younger generation is braver than the older one. Namely, they dare to speak up their discontent to the authority, creating chance to improve the recent situation. An example to illustrate is the gay marriage protest globally. In the past time, homosexual relationship is viewed as sickness due to the people give in to such discrimination. However, young gay groups nowadays are brave enough to request their human rights via protesting. Eventually, some countries begin to legalize the gay marriage and such achievement is due to the endeavor of the young people.

In conclusion, young people are able to change the future of the society because they know how to use the social media to get their message across, more educated, and braver than the older generation.

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Jul 26, 2018   #2
Helen, you have written a very authoritative response to the direct question posed before you. However, you need to make adjustments to your third paragraph where you say that young people are more educated and hence, have a better understanding of politic, economy, and the law. That statement is only acceptable if you make a reference to there being more educated graduates in these fields of study. Not all educated people will be proficient in terms of knowledge and skills to argue about it in those areas.

In the concluding paragraph, you did an acceptable job of summarizing the previous discussion. The only missing part? You forgot to reiterate or repeat your disagreement with the believe that young people do not influence the decision making process with regards to the future of our society. Speaking of society, do you best to not use any phrases or words from the original prompt as in when you said

the future of society as a whole

You must always completely change the original presentation using different words. That is a very slight error on your part that is practically negligible but I felt a need to point out because in an actual test setting, you could be limited in the increased LR score that you can get because of an incomplete paraphrase of a statement made in the original presentation. Try to showcase your English vocabulary to increase that scoring consideration by not using the same words as the original.
OP improve_writing 1 / 1  
Jul 26, 2018   #3
Thank you so much for your suggestion, Holt. Those are really helpful!
Now I have the direction to work on my essay, especially the paraphrasing skills.
Will keep practicing on it. Thanks again!


Home / Writing Feedback / The society and young people impact on it