Please help me score and correct with my writing on IELTS Task 2. It would be greater if you can assess/mark it with IELTS Writing Criteria. My target is band 8.0 (if possible, please show me some kinds of tips to improve my score). Thank You :)
People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks.
Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?
Nowadays, soft drinks are consumed at an alarming rate. Some explanations of this new trend will be put forward before an analysis of its solutions are given.
To begin with, there are some causes associated with the upsurge of sugar-contained drinks. Firstly, most of these drinks are delicious and satisfy people's appetites, which provides a great sense of satisfaction when they drink them. Some researchers have proven that soft drinks which contain gas can help stimulate human's digestive system, enhance the feeling of craving for foods and allow the foods to be digested effectively. Therefore, some people stick with the habit of drinking sugary drinks while they are eating and food providers often add sugar drinks in their menu. For example, pizzas are usually provided with Coke for customers. Secondly, the proliferation of advertising has helped sugar-based drinks advertisements become more and more attractive to audiences. Advertisers create an appealing image in which these types of drinks are associated with an energetic lifestyle. Therefore, it encourages young viewers to purchase impulsively to keep up with their classmates and relatives. As a result, people are suffering from diabetes and obesity, which is mainly caused by sugar overconsumption.
In order to tackle the above-mentioned problems, some utmost solutions are suggested for governments and families. Firstly, governments can impose taxes on sugar-sweetened beverage. When the prices of these products go up, people might shift their habits from consuming sugary drinks towards a healthier one. Therefore, it can help curb the number of sugar-contained drinks purchased. Secondly, parents should pay attention to the children's diet by adding more fruits and vegetables to the families' meals. Besides, mothers can make more healthy snacks for children in order to help them adapt to a healthier eating habit.
In conclusion, the excessive consumption of sugar-based drinks is attributable to the effect of these drinks on people's appetite and the impact of soft drinks advertisements. Therefore, governments and families should cooperate to discourage people from purchasing these drinks before the situation become more serious.