Education systems and schools have been evolving for a long time ınasmuch as they are prefered by parents to their children. İn spite of the fact that there were not consensus between some people for schools in the past era,they invention endured many years ago.Also,first education systems was prefered by boys many years ago while there are equal rates from boys and girls in the todays.thus,neither girls nor boys dont have high rates to each other.However,it is a well-known fact that,same children have concentrate or pay attention problems in the their schools although others dont have theirs because these problems depend on both long hours of lectures and friendships in theirs shcools.From my solutions of view for this issue,as long as schools have short lessons and sage students,children might not suffer from given above problems.
Firstly,as required laws every children should go schools every days expect weekends and they have 6 or more hours a day in the schools.what is more,all children have idiosyncratic scope such as math,history and physics so ıf children do not slant one of these courses,they may bored in the lectures.For example,children who like history,more pay attention than others while other children who like math,more be concentrate than other children in the this course.Morever,ıf governments have repeal for both schools hours and days,children become more relax and ope-minded thanks to that.As a result of these,children have neither concentrate nor pay attention problems ıf schools have less six hours for lessons and children get lessons which attracting interest in the their schools lives.
Secondly,there are both bad and good friednships fot children in the schools and every children are affected other children.Thus,ıf children had bad friedns,they would not concentrate during the lessons becuase they might talk with each other or they dont want to go school.Therefore,they might more ignorsnt and insulse than others who go to school regularly.Despite of the these,children would have become more sage and disciplined ıf they had to good friendships so friends are very important for all students because they might affect each other better or worse in the their schools lives.
To conclude,as ı mentioned above there are two solutions for difficult for children to concentrate or pay attention in school.they respectively, both short hours lectures and good friendships for children who go to school everday.
Dear @Melisakaln here are some corrections. I hope it will help.
First of all. there are many verb-tense mistakes in your essay; past tenses instead of present tenses and so on...
Also;
İn spite of the fact that there were not consensus betweenamong some people for schools in the past era,theytheir invention endured many years ago. (or they have been invented many years ago)
ago.A lso,fi rst please insert space after punctuation marks.
Also, at first education systems waswere prefered by boys many years agowhile; however,there are equal rates fromfor boys and girls in the todays
thusThus(use capitals at the beginning of your sentences) ,neither girls nor boys dont have high rates to each other.superiority to each other ( or there are not much difference between the boys and girls rates.
more pay attentionpay more attention than others
every childrenchildareis affected by other children.
Morever,ıf governments have repeal for both schools hours and days,children will become more relaxed and ope-minded thanks to that.( also I didn't get the meaning of this sentence)
Therefore,they might be more ignorsnt?? and insulse??than others who go to school regularly.
Despite of the these,
Plus, I think you better review your essay for the usage of necessary punctuation marks.
Thanks.
Hi Melis, I would like to WELCOME you to Essay Forum, not a lot of internet users know that there is such a website that offers free essay editing help to writers and students alike, personally, I find this website very helpful to my practice and in sharing the English language to those who need it most.
Now, your writing needs a little more practice. I understand that this may not be an easy task, it never is, but with practice and determination, you will be able to get it right, when you do the revision of this essay, pay close attention to the following;
- the construction of the essay
- the paragraphs should have enough space from each other, this is in order to let the readers breath, understand and absorb the ideas depicted in your essay
- the verb forms you use should be in conjunction with your subject, remember subject verb agreement
- make sure that you have proof read it yourself first, if it's a draft its fine, post it and we will be able to help you out.
I hope to read the revised version soon.
