Unanswered [18] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Should Children with Less Artistic Talent Concentrate More On Practical Subjects?

nuni11 33 / 30 5  
Feb 20, 2016   #1
It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some would argue that children with a slight artistic skill are not necessary to join art classes, while others would say that it is better to concentrate on other practical subjects according to their ability. However, I believe that focusing on particular subject can expand more of children's cognition in that area and also affect to the improvement of their grades.

Joining Art classes in formal education is generally assumed to be not essential in learning process of children who lack artistic skill. This is mainly because it is more important to sharpen their ability in particular subject rather than wasting time by learning a wide range of lesson. For example, the New York Times reported in March 2015 that by choosing to expand current skills, it allows individuals to immerse themselves so they can learn further knowledge.

Another effect of concentrating in other practical subjects is that will result in excellent grade of their study, since students are not put under pressure to learn in the class and they tend to feel more relax by learning the subjects that they love. A recent study from Melbourne University showed that students in primary and secondary school in Perth are easily mastered mathematics subject after they reject the art class.

The aforementioned evidence shows that it is better for students to study intensively in the area such as practical subjects to gain more proficiency and improve their school grade. It is recommended that more educators to follow this logic and bring in more beneficial initiatives.
Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Feb 20, 2016   #2
Hello nuni11

There are two issues with the text. First, a number of featured sentences are little too complex, which in turn makes them somewhat unintelligible. For example, the first sentence would sound much better if refined as follows:

As of today, there is still much disagreement among teachers and parents about whether attending art-classes by children should be compulsory - even in cases when a particular child exhibits the apparent lack of artistic talents.

Second, since it is an argumentative text, you should consider using the appeals to ethos and pathos (rhetorical techniques... you can find definitions online), while defending your point of view. As far as I can see, you've only used the appeal to logos (the reference to the New York Times report). Regards.

Home / Writing Feedback / Should Children with Less Artistic Talent Concentrate More On Practical Subjects?