Source of information choice - Learning by Watching or Learning by Visiting?

Question :
Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.
How true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it?

Introduction :
Television programmes and films are the greatest source of information for people. As such, some people admit that by watching television programmes and movies, they can obtain more information about other countries without having travel to these countries since news broadcasting and films provide much knowledge about what happen in other regions. However, I would argue that cultures and beliefs are something that people cannot learn from watching films and television programmes but from visiting the countries.

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Here are some points;
Television programmes and films are the greatest source of information for people (I like the way you start the intro) . As such, some people admit (Argue/ Believe/ Claim/ Think is the common word for this. I am not sure for the one you wrote) that by watching television programmes and movies, they can obtain more information about other countries without travelling to these countries since news broadcasting and films provide much knowledge about what happenS in other regions. However, I would argue that cultures and beliefs are something that people cannot learn from watching films and television programmes ( a comma here) but from visiting the countries.

Television helps people in learninglearn so much things (Try not to use this word since it is too vague) from other countries. As such, the supporters of this trend claim that they have gathered much knowledge ( It seems that you really favour this word. What about "impressive grasp of the issue" ) about other countries from television programmes and films. Firstly, they get knowledge about international news since news broadcastingmedia offers so much information about what happenis going on in other countries such as their politics, their economics and their social life. The second is, ( no comma here) people learn history of other countries by watching historical films which are mad e based on true story. In addition, by listening to reporter and seeing pictures and subtittles ( This sounds repetitive. Why do't you try another point so as to prevent being redudancy? , people start learning other languages unpurposely.unintentionally

However, not all knowledge can be learnt by watching TV programmes and films ( As I know, you need to write an inverted sentence if you start writing with a negative statement, such not all) . Cultures and beliefs are something ( what is it? Define it clearly) that people can understand only by visiting other countries. For example, learning about Songkran Celebration in Thailand. ( Write this in a full sentence)By watching people will only know that this festival belongs to Budhist people and it is a reflection of purifying, but by visiting and joining this celebration people will understand more about the spirit of Budhist societies ( Well, this sentence is too bulky. As a result, you cannot even create a good sentence. I suggest breaking this into two sentences. A simple and short sentence is always good to lead your reader) . Consequently, this visiting activity leads people to learn more about what activities that people do in this celebration and also to learn how to respect other customs. Therefore, to learn more about other countries' cultures, visiting and being part of society are better than watching television or films.

To conclude, television programmes and films are very important ( Always remember to raise a reason as to support your claim every time you use this word for people to know more about what happens in other countries. Nevertheless, to understand more about beliefs and cultures of other nations, people have to travel to those countries. Therefore, it is better for people to visit other regions so they can conduct deepin-depth knowledge about these areas.

Overall, you have a good point to support your claim. However, some flaws interrupt your sentences. Hope that you pay attention to all highlights from the essay above. Revisiting and revising it is a must in order to have a strong essay. Best of luck