"Spending all your free time studying is not a good idea" What's your opinion? Write an essay.

Things I have to write about:
-hobbies and activities
-preparing for the future
-your own idea

140-190 words

My essay:

Study even in a leisure time?

I agree with the statement because I firmly believe that people should have enough time to cultivate their interests.

First of all, we all have hobbies and activities we enjoy doing, they're a big part of our daily lives and putting them aside in order to focus on studying is not a good idea, as we need some time to relax and clear our minds.

Furthermore, studying is not the only way to prepare for the future. It is certainly very important, but I think that all kinds of experiences will help you broaden your knowledge, without having to spend all your spare time learning things from textbooks.

Having said that, some people say that spending your free time studying is still more productive than spending it surfing on the Internet. While that may be true, I believe that we need to concentrate on other activities once in a while. Otherwise, we can get fed up with studying very easily.

On the whole, I think we should be able to balance the time we spend studying and the one we dedicate to our personal interests.

Your structure is clear, but it is a lack of illustration. I suggest that you can extend your passage, giving an experence or some examples would be better.

will help you broaden your knowledge = will broaden your horizons

Sara, with a total of 190 words, you should have been able to write at least 3 interconnected and completely developed paragraphs instead of these individualized sentences. Practice developing a complete thought process using paragraphs. That way you also develop your complex sentence abilities. You must also practice paraphrasing when writing your opening paragraph. This will help to introduce the reader to the topic that you have to write about. Always assume that your reader has no idea what the topic you are writing about is so you need to introduce it in your own understanding. This will help you develop your English comprehension skills. While your ideas and opinions are acceptable, it lacks justification. For example, in paragraph 2, you should have given an example of how relaxing the mind becomes advantageous to a student who is facing a battery of tests at school. Give supporting facts relating to the popularly known benefits of relaxing during free time. That gives your essay a more authoritative tone and shows that you understand the required discussion for the given topic.

@sspedicato1
I think you should divide your paragraphs into some parts. One is your statement. Two paragraphs for your examples supported by several supporting sentences. The last is your conclusion and you can put your future ideas there.

Hello!!

The introduction is your power statement. It's the one thing that decides whether or not someone will truly be intrigued to read your essay.

But here, the opening statement is a paradox in itself. Firstly, the topic is a question giving you the choice to decide on which side you are willing to support and why. Simply stating that you agree with the topic does'nt add much sense.

Try stating which view seems more appropriate to you and then substantiate why.

Start with something like: Studying and Leisure are never go hand in hand. While some firmly adhere to this thought, others would certainly disagree. Personally, I believe that these two don't belong in the mix.

The next mistake I felt is that you have 4-5 distinct sentences. Instead you could divide the whole essay into
1) Introduction
2) Body - Why you support the side you chose. You could also try to include briefly the opposing views as well.
3) Conclusion - What message you want the reader to draw from your essay.

Body: Being social animals, we all have passions and hobbies and activities we love to do. Elaborate on ideas as to why this is important for an individual ( Emotionally and mentally healthy). You could also shine light into the adverse effects of studying alone without other activities ( Increasing suicide rates among students, mental health problems like depression)

Conclude your essay by saying that a balance of both education and leisure are needed to have a happy life.

Good Luck Sara!! :)