Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


IELTS TASK 2 - Sport man makes more money than other. Discuss both views



Tran Tong 5 / 8  
Oct 10, 2012   #1
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Thousands years ago, the Greece invented many playful games and gradually upgraded them to what we call sports nowadays. Players are free of charge at the beginning, but now when sports becoming a serious industry it has created many millionaires such as football, tennis, baseball sportsman and so on. Some people argue that it is completely wasteful when paying a fortune for playing persons. However, I have a bias towards the principal that who has contribution for the society they deserve to be paid off.

To be success in sport area, besides a nurture gift, those persons ought to practice really hard. Their job are as serious as other careers, therefore any discrimination on payment is unacceptable. Another point is that their success in sport does not only benefit themselves but also their nations' reputation if they achieve a world prize or championship. The money paid to sportsman for the honor they may bring for their countries is just a minor investment against billions dollar spending for wars or weapons.

However, some sportsmen have stuck their images with scandals, drugs, or even prostitutes. This is a phenomenon of overpaying for particular sport stars. Many owners of consuming manufacture really to pay millions dollar to get a famous athlete represent for their products which promises dramatic sale revenue. Easy earnings could lead to easy spending for luxury or even illegal things of a few of sportsmen.

To sum up, everything has two sides, but in this case I believe the downside is just a minor issue compared to greater benefits that sport professional people could contribute for society. For all above, they are worthy of a dream income.

(278 words)

April April 13 / 147  
Oct 16, 2012   #2
To be success in --- To ACHIEVE success in (it must be either BE SUCCESSFUL or ACHIEVE SUCCESS)
Many owners of consuming manufacture really to pay millions dollar --- this is not clear enough. You could say: 'Big corporations are now offering sportsmen contracts of millions of dollars to advertise for their products as celebrity endorsements are likely to boost sales dramatically.'

Your intro doesn't have to be that long, or it'll take too much time to write. You should write a motivator, paraphrase the rubric, and state your opinion, so 3 sentences are enough.

Also, I think you should explain more in the body para: 'Their job are as serious as other careers' --- why? Do they have to train hard, do they have to suffer from unwanted injuries when practicing, how much do they have to sacrifice?

Best


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Sport man makes more money than other. Discuss both views
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳