Huge money in the professional sport
Some debates have occurred whether successful sports professionals should have great income or other crucial professions deserve to earn more money. While some sports fans advocate for their idol, others believe it is not solid. This essay will cover both viewpoints and give solution to this conflict.
Successful professionals in sport have huge influences on sports fans all over the world, which facilitates them to make massive profits through not only competitions but also advertisements. To illustrate, Christiano Ronaldo who is a well-known professional footballer gets paid by many companies through advertising for their products. Because of his prominence, the majority of his fans purchase those products, which enable him to be one of the richest footballers.
On the controversy, some people believe other important professions such as doctors, teachers need to be paid more. Their jobs make a great contribution to society, therefore, people should pay more attention and make more investments to these crucial jobs. As an illustration, a good doctor can save a million people and a dedicated teacher can educate a thousand children to be successful in the future. Their jobs are serious and directly relate to the development of a country, thus they deserve to have more income.
From my perspective, I believe that every job has its specific benefits to the world. While sports professionals are role models for many people to strive to be, doctors and teachers save their life and teach them how to truly live. Therefore, all of them should be paid equally.
To conclude, both sports professionals and other essentials jobs should be paid equally because of their vital impact on people as well as the development of the world.
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The essay has 2 prompt deviations. The first is in the paraphrased statement where you offered a solution to the problem. There was nothing in the original prompt that asked you to deliver a solution discussion. Instead, the original prompt asked you to discuss both points of view and then, offer your own point of view on the topic.
The second deviation, was in your personal opinion paragraph. You indicated that doctors and teachers should be paid equally as the athletes. That is an incorrect opinion presentation. The personal opinion sought in this essay is that of one which is based upon the comparison discussion of the two points of view. The points of view originally stated in the instructions. There was no room for you to discuss teachers and doctors because they were not part of the original discussion. So you changed the basis of your personal opinion to one that was not included in the prompt.
These are the two main reasons why the essay will not be getting a passing TA score. Prompt deviations are never allowed in the Task 2 test. If the information is not in the original presentation, it should not be in the discussion paragraphs either.
Examiners also score down for use of exaggerated words such as controversy. There was no controversy mentioned in the original presentation. The use of these words distort the message of the original presentation. Again, it changes the discussion elements of the prompt towards one that was never included in the original.
These lack of proper vocabulary usage, changing of discussion reference points, and altering of discussion instructions will be the main reasons why the essay will not be able to achieve an ideal score overall. Remember, you will also lose points in the LR, GRA, and C&C section because of the way you did not follow the given instructions for the presentation.