story based on the painting Scream

I'm getting close to my GCSE's and my essay writing really isn't up to the best standard. My teacher is pretty hopeless and treats me like i'm imbecile whenever i ask questions. I would really appreciate any help or editing because theres only so much you can get from a book,

i would really appreciate any feedback as i am pretty desperate my exams are less than a month away.
i was given the ensignment to write a descriptive story on the painting scream
This is the basis of what ive come up with(please dont laugh its quite bad )

i am having a nightmare remembering the night my best friend died. We met up with these guys she met the other day who invited her to come down to the dock. My friend is gonna be quite an airhead so she thought it would be fun and managed to get me to come with her. the guys were doing the usual of smoking etc. and my friend joined in to be 'cool'. i wasnt keen and wanted to go. the guys brought us to a warehouse and a fire accidently started. me and my friend run for it down the docks and we hear the police sirens men are chasing us and my friend accidently knocks a heavy container which forces her into the water were she drowns Etc..

this is as much as i've got, dont hesitate to edit anything

Scrambling through the shadows, choking on silent screams, she whispers to me. Echoing afflicting words which trigger the memory of that night.
I'm back there. Hells blazing colours ignite the sky above exposing every hidden shadow.

Greetings !

You are talking about the completed actions. You must write in past tense.

me and my friend = my friend and me
we hear = we heard

There may be a failure to address the question as asked but the essay does show some understanding of the topic or the question is addressed, at least in part, but there are serious errors and/or omissions that indicate poor understanding.

Time to go ..i shall revert to you asap.Sorry dear

Regards

Well... not necessarily! It can be very cool if you write in the present tense.

You have a very ominous tone that goes well with the subject matter! I think your writing can be great, if only you find On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King. :-)

I am having a nightmare, remembering the night my best friend died. We meet up with these guys she had met the previous day who invited her to come down to the dock. My friend is quite an airhead so she thinks it will be fun and manages to get me to come with her.

Oh, but I see what you mean, Isai. The tense jumps back and forth.

We can keep it in the present tense:
The guys are doing the usual, smoking and drinking, and my friend joins in to be 'cool.'

So... watch out for the verb tense. Keep it all in the present tense or all in the past tense.
As you continue, read some Dean Koontz for inspiration.

I'm sorry you don't understand the first part is not in the essay. I am just informing you what i am writing about for whoever replies can understand, sorry if i didn't make that clear.

thank you very much for the notes any way

This part is the essay:

*Scrambling through the shadows, choking on silent screams, she whispers to me. Echoing afflicting words which trigger the memory of that night.
I'm back there. Hells blazing colours ignite the sky above exposing every hidden shadow.*

i have to write so much more i know but i have been caught up writing this other essay
i would really appreciate it if you read through this thanks :)

I like it...
let me point out, though, that this sentence is incomplete:
Echoing afflicting words which trigger the memory of that night.-------This is a sentence fragment.

Use an apostrophe: Hell's blazing colours...

:-)

i have recently been writing this essay but i am stuck on what to write next
i would really appreciate any feed back thanks

I have an evil twin. Most people would laugh. I understand. Its a funny concept. They make sitcoms and really bad horror movies out if the idea; an evil twin and hilarity ensues.

Bit isn't funny. It's real. I have done my best to suppress her but her taint demonic influence has grown with me. Sixty four years it has taken me to accept you're on your own in life. Alone with your twins depravity.

It's difficult because my evil twin has rarely been seen by human eyes. She is illusive, cunning and dangerous. My family doesn't know of her. Few friends know about her. But everyone has experienced her. She is a master of disguise, taking on many forms. She decieves those around her as she slowly drains the humane life out of me. The scary part is that i think she's the real me and i'm the imposter.

My collection of ancient photographs are some what tired, wrinkled and stained. My grubby fingerprints mark those most embraced. Often i look for her or any evidence that she exists. Once in a while i find her leering through familiar quizzical blue eyes, innocent let full of unrealised malice.

Awesome!! What a brilliant introduction...

Is this supposed to have an apostrophe?---> Alone with your twin's depravity.

It's difficult because my evil twin has rarely been seen by human eyes. -----Well, wait a minute now. The first sentence of the essay says I AM an evil twin, but maybe it should say I HAVE an evil twin?

The scary part is that i think she's the real me and i'm the imposter.---Wow, this has officially become one of my all-time favorite essays. You are clever...

My collection is...
My collection of ancient photographs are is somewhat tired, wrinkled and stained. ----Oh, actually it is better to do this:
I have a collection of ancient photographs that are somewhat ...

My grubby fingerprints mark those most embraced. ----Wow, this really is a some excellent writing. Whatever you did to get into the stateof mind that enabled you to write this... do it again! :-)

Haha thank you ef Kevin for your feedback I am flattered.
I still have about a page and a half more to write and I am stuck on whats I should write about next. I obviously have to explain what she makes me do etc. I just do not want to drag it on.

A problem with me is I try to be original with my plots and I tend to run myself into a wall.
Do you have any tips on how I should finish it. I have a few ideas but any feedback is greatly appreciated.

hey, i think it's written well already! ^^

my friend and me ----> i think it'd be better to replace "me" with "I"


My friend is quite an airhead so she thought it would be fun, and managed to get me to come with her

"is gonna" isn't a proper writing i believe, it should be "is going to"
however, i don't think it's good to put it there because being an airhead.. isn't something you will do. it's more like a habit/behavior.

So, the one i write above should do it :)

Nope, I don't have any tips for you! I think you need to give me some tips...

:-)

Just kidding, the way to get through this is to return to your purpose. What purpose are you trying to achieve? It is a story, so perhaps it is intended to to amuse or intrigue the reader? What do YOU want to do to the reader? That is where you find the art.

What you do in the story depends on what experience you want the reader to have, so... choose wisely! Is there a message/truth you are trying to share with this essay? How can you end the essay in a way that will express your truth?