In some societies, stress is now regarded as a major problem, and it is thought that people suffer from more stress than they did in the past.
However, others feel that the amount of stress people have today is exaggerated. They say that previous generations were under more pressure, but the idea of suffering from stress did not exist.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, whether or not the younger generation suffers from more stress than their predecessors is a debatable issue. While many people believe stress is a serious problem that should deserve much concern from the public, others are of the opinion that the situation is exaggerated. In my view, although the older generations were undoubtedly under great pressure from both subjective and objective problems including obsolete technology and natural disasters, competition and isolation are equally great challeges facing youngsters in modern life, which can destroy them spiritually.
Could you:
- provide other alternative words so that the essay can be re-written more beautifully
- correct the grammatical mistakes as well as the inappropriate phrases
- give comment about the structure and the ideas of my essay.
Thanks a lot!
Nowadays, whether or not the younger generation suffers from more stress than their predecessors is a debatable issue. While many people believe stress is a serious problem that should deserve much concern from the public, others are of the opinion that the situation is just exaggerated.
Secondly, thanks to urbanization and overpopulation, the young generation nowadays becomes much more isolated from each other .
This doesn't work because the young generation is one entity (in other words, it's onegeneration rather than manyyoung people). And the phrase 'each other' can only refer to more than one entity. Since the generation is only one, it doesn't work. You could say:
Secondly, thanks to urbanization and overpopulation, today's youngsters become much more isolated from each other.
As a matter of fact, as the older generations didn't enjoy the advanced medical system as well as the modern technology we have today, they might haveexperienced greater strains in terms of hard and tedious work, poverty, and illnesses.
Moreover, many years ago, the majority of the world population worked in agriculture, which means that many people were put under enormous pressure from unpredicted natural disasters that could lead to crop loss and starvation on a large scale.
As far as I am concerned , the recorded number of people who commit suicide because of stress in today's society is greater than at any other times in the past.
How do suicides concern you personally? I hope they don't. You could say:
According to my research, the recorded number of people who commit suicide because of stress in today's society is greater than at any other times in the past.
Therefore, it is urgent that action is taken by individuals and governments alike to ease the strains put on younger generation.
Great work, Cathead_2307!
Your essay is very well structured and supported. The minor things that I pointed out you can easily overcome with a little practice. I would also recommend that you read my blog article about how to write a great thesis statement right here (copy and paste):
tutorphil/?p=31
Keep it up,
Phil
Thanks Phil, it's very helpful.
About the thesis statement, I always find it difficult to afford enough time to write the statement of evidence, as I have to spare certain amount of time thinking of another way to express my evidence in the body of the essay to avoid repetition.
Can you give my some advice on this?
the highly competitive society is putting greater strains on its citizens " in performing" well at school or in workplace.
What makes the problem worse is that over-ambitious parents are pushing their children harder and harder so that they can "step up" the "high" ladder of their career after graduating.
Your essay is very great in ideas and appropriately in structure.
I prefer my point here as reference. hope you take it!
Hello Cat Head! I like your username. :-)
About that thesis statement. Try this... add a sentence to the end of the first paragraph.
What sentence should you add? Imagine you said to me, "Although it may be unjust to claim that the younger generation now suffers from greater stress than ever before, it is undeniable that people nowadays have much more psychological problems"... and I say, "I'm not sure exactly what you mean."
Explain this main idea in a different way. Then, add that sentence (or maybe 2 sentences) to the end of the first paragraph.
:-)
What do you think about this, Kevin?
Writing a long introduction like this takes me a lot of time, and IDK whether I can afford enough time to write a full essay with it in the IELTS test. What should I do?
This is beautiful. Are you an English Language Learner? If so, this is very impressive. Most people who grew up speaking English cannot write this well. This is a real accomplishment.
However, I hate the word "nowadays."
It would be nice to start like this:
Nowadays , Whether or not the younger generation...
What do you mean about the introduction? I don't really know what you mean, but I think you can feel confident about your skill, because this is very good.
Thanx, Kevin. It's very nice of you to say so.
I'm an English Language learner, and I'm working on the IELTS test. In this test, we aren't allowed to spend more than 40 mins on an essay like this, and I find it really hard to write a long introduction in this limitted time.
Some advice I just thought of: memorizing an essay with correct grammar.
People taking this test should write an essay and have it edited, and then they should memorize it. On the day of the test, it might be easy to revise your sentences to accommodate the new topic.
For example, if you write an essay about the importance of gender equality, you might be able to change all the sentences on the day of the test so that it can be about the importance of conserving natural resources, or some other topic.
Another example: if you memorize an essay about your opinion about whether money should be spent on the space program, you may be able to change the sentences so that it is about whether parents should make decisions for teenagers.
Do you see what I mean? It may not work very well... I don't know. But it might help a lot to come up with sentences in that limited amount of time (40 minutes).
EF kevin
Some advice I just thought of: memorizing an essay with correct grammar.
with all due respect, i think that by acting on your advice could be disaster for his confidence, if the topic is quite different from what it memorize.As you say Cat head as excellent writing capability and he should have confidence in his writing skills.
Well, it could result in disaster if the method I describe is used incorrectly, but what I have in mind is actually no different from what we do all the time.
I know how to ask "Where is the bathroom?" in Spanish. Because of this, I also know how to ask the whereabouts of other things. So, the sentence "Where is the XXXXX?" is very useful to me. I use it to learn how to write many other sentences.
Similarly, I can use a methodical process for an essay. An essay might require me to argue against something:
If I know how to write a sentence to make an argument that some Thing #1 is "dishonest" and therefore not a good idea, I can also figure out how to revise that sentence to argue that Thing #2 is "unreliable" and therefore a bad idea.
So, the method I am suggesting is like a prearranged form practiced by a martial artist or a song learned by a musician. It is not a way to cheat or anything bad like that. It is a way to practice mastering the way to write sentences and paragraphs that will make a good essay.
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