Strict actions should be imposed on the offenders who violates traffic norms

IELTS : task2 : General writing | check for mistakes and provide score

Question : Some people argue that strict punishment for driving offenses is the only effective way toward improving safety on the road. Do you agree or disagree?

Road safety improving

Nowadays, increasing number of Traffic accidents is a growing concern in developing and developed nations. While some opine that strict actions should be imposed on the offenders who violates traffic norms is the most efficient way to reduce road accidents. I agree that strict rules should be implemented for the road safety

The first and foremost benefit for imposing harsh punishments on violating traffic laws is that it will Inculcate discipline and responsible among citizens. In addition, People will always think twice before breaking the traffic laws, otherwise they have to deal with hefty fines and imprisonment. To illustrate, in Singapore, traffic accidents were reduced exponentially after their government taken action against traffic law breakers.

Secondly, safe driving will help to reduce financial overheads on the state. This is because less number of accidents will result in reduction in damages to public properties, thus authority will have to pay less for infrastructure fixation. Moreover, Insurance companies will have to settle fewer number of claims related to accidents, so in longer run, their premium will reduce considerably which in turn will benefit the individuals.

However, some people may argue that instead of implementing strict punishment, state should increase awareness about traffic rules among vehicle drivers by providing informative sessions and advertisements which will have same impact as with harsh traffic guidelines. What is more, heavy penalty on drivers may become burden on individuals. Therefore, traffic educations should be considered as an important aspect to minimize fatalities.

In conclusion, although motivating people about following road safety rules can reduce accident risk, harsh punishment will force the people to follow traffic regulations in more effective way

Please review this essay and help me improving this

Here are some of the mistakes I noticed:

There's no need to capitalize the words in the middle of your sentences unless it is a name such as Singapore.

"While some opine that strict ..."- The "while" implies that there is a second part of the sentence but there isn't one. You should either get rid of the "while" or add another statement about motivating people to follow road laws.

"... discipline and responsible among citizens"- Replace "responsible" with "responsibility".

"...after their government taken action ..."- Replace "taken" with "took"

Replace "less number of" with "lower number of"

@mayamartin: Can you tell me the score as per IELTS general writing trends

Nitesh, the essay that you wrote will get a score of 4. I know it is a failing score. Even though you did write more than the acceptable number of words and you discussed the paragraphs in a manner that discusses a topic. You are not discussing the topic that was required of you by the original prompt. The original prompt dictates a discussion that should reflect and agreement with strict punishments for driving offenses. What you are discussing is an agreement with strict rules being implemented. There is a difference between strict punishment and strict rules. The punishment is the end result of breaking the rules. Therefore, the method by which you developed the opening paragraph shows that you did not understand the English instructions or, your knowledge of the English language is faulty to the point where you used the wrong term to describe what the essay wanted you to discuss. This error, which affects the task accuracy of the essay, which is the main part of the scoring bracket, resulted in the score of 4 on your end. This means that your response is only correct in certain aspects and references. The response is mostly inaccurate. BTW, only proper nouns or the names of people, places, and things are capitalized within the middle part of a sentence.

@Holt : Thanks for the response. Mistakes that you pointed in my essay are valid and I gave me clear expression what i am missing in this essay. I will try one more essay and post in again