Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


I strongly disagree that money is the most important aspect of a job !



S0heil 2 / 7  
May 16, 2013   #1
Nowadays, every person looks for a benefit in a business. However, there is no agreement among the people, about what should be considered as the most significant aspect of a career. Although some people believe that earning money is the only reason for a job, others prefer to focus on the other aspects of a job. I certainly disagree with the statement that money is the most important aspect of a job, because of two following reasons.

Firstly, the experiences, which we obtain during an occupation, are more important than the money. Obviously, experience is something, that can help us to improve our skills, and as a result to promote in a profession. In addition, promoting and improvements are the factors that are responsible for our happiness. For an example, an employee, who contribute in different projects in a company, and try hard to become better in his job, feels more satisfied than a person, who always thinks about earning more money, without any improvement.

Another reason is that the environment and the atmosphere of a company should be considered more than financial affairs for an individual. Advances in science and psychology show that a suitable environment can affect a person positively, and makes him feel content about the occupation. For an instance, if someone works in a factory, in which there are a lot of controversy and disagreement, he will never feel satisfied about the work, in spite of the amount of salary is given. As a result, it can be inferred that monetary issues never can be replaced by high quality working conditions.

In conclusion, according to the justifications I made, in my opinion, the payment is not the most important factor for a job, because there are other factors that are more important than money for an employee, such as improvement; and also, he should pay more attention on the quality of work environment than financial issues.

dumi 1 / 6795  
May 16, 2013   #2
Nowadays, every person looks for a benefit in abusiness.

... Why business? Your topic is not about business, but about jobs.

However, there is no agreement among the people, about what should be considered as the most significant aspect of a career.

....This too sounds out of topic.
In the introduction, you need to introduce your topic to the reader. You should not write ideas that distract the main theme.

Firstly, the experiences, which we obtain during an occupation, are more important than the money.

First, the experiences that we earn by doing a job is more valuable and important than money.

Obviously, experience is something, that can help us to improve our skills, and as a result to promotehave ourselves elevated in a profession.

For an example, an employee, who contributes in different projects in a company, and trytries hard to become better in his job, feels more satisfied than a person (no comma) who always thinks about earning more money, without any improvement.
OP S0heil 2 / 7  
May 16, 2013   #3
Thanks dumi,
I really appreciate your help.

honestly, I wanted not to use the word "job" over and over, but it seems I made a mistake in the introduction paragraph.

and about the others, I will try to correct them in the future.


Home / Writing Feedback / I strongly disagree that money is the most important aspect of a job !
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳