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TOEFL: MONEY is not necessarily be the most important aspect of a job always!

upul 4 / 7  
Sep 23, 2010   #1
Can you help me to improve my essay!

QUESTION;Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Money is certainly an important aspect of a job which helps one to earn his or her living. However, I personally do not agree that it is the most important aspect of a job, since I consider the factors such as recognition, job satisfaction and work environment are equally as important as money.

Firstly, recognition plays an important role for a person to like his or her job. If your hard work is not acknowledged by the management, you get very depressed. For example, my pervious employer who paid me well for my job never wanted to acknowledge my efforts to improve the company sales. I felt that I was not recognized for my hard work and decided to leave the company. In this case, it was not any issue with regard to my salary that compelled me to leave the job. It was because they did not give me due recognition.

Secondly, one needs to be satisfied with the job he or she does. Without this job satisfaction, a person would be very stressful and bored. My sister found a job with an excellent package in the accounting field. However, after two years, she started complaining that her job was becoming very boring and stressful. She started applying to other jobs and soon found another one. Her job was again in the accounting field; however, the new company was in a different field of business.

Thirdly, the work environment too largely contributes to motivate employees. If one has problems in his or her office environment, the chances are very unlikely that he/she would remain in the same job. Some employers too deliberately create such unpleasant environments to persuade its employees to take the decision of quitting. For example, the management of my company recruited a marketing consultant by offering a very high salary with other perks. However he failed to produce the results expected by the management. The management created difficult situations for this consultant and he finally decided to leave the company because the office environment became very unbearable for him.

These reasons have led me to conclude that money is not the most important aspect of a job though it is one of the most important aspects.

mea505 - / 265  
Sep 23, 2010   #2
Hi Diluni!

The best way to lengthen it (and I am assuming you are talking about the conclusion) is to go back into the body of the essay and find some other ways that you want to emphasize what has already been said. As you know, the conclusion cannot bring any new information to the table, it has to only re-state the information that has already been presented. Use your own essay body as a guide; you will find some good information there, I am sure.

Mark :)

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