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Student Living in schools - it bring real benefits



noname12 1 / -  
Oct 8, 2019   #1
Topic :

It is better college student live in schools than student with their parents.


Do you agree or disagree?



Certainly, many students are faced with the dilemma of whether to live in school or live at home with their parents. From my point of view, living a school is the best choice for most students. The essay discusses the advantage the students when living in schools can easily access documents and independent yourself.

First of all, living in school can help student myself develop a sense of self-reliance. Therefore, they may acquire the skills necessary for self-reliance ranging from financial management and problem-solving skills, all of which are essential to foster the all-round development of students. Finally, living in school would help students become more independent since they have to live far away from their family and take care of themselves. For example, they have to do chores, learn how to protect themselves.

On the other hand, there are private benefits of students choosing living in schools such as easy access to many resources documents in the fastest way. If students dwell right in university, they will be able to approach the library and other information that are readily available at school every time they want. Taking a study session in the library will help to gain a great deal of knowledge and access many documents. For example, many students can search documents quickly through the use of computers or finding documents for majors take any time.

In conclusion, I believe that adapting to live in school would bring real benefits for students to remain high in the future. It helps many students to develop a sense of self-reliance and easy access document. Moreover, that can be students help more mature in their life with a new environment and achieve great success in doing study.

athachng2002 3 / 5  
Oct 9, 2019   #2
Hi @noname12,

Basically, I think you should work more on grammar and vocabulary. There are many repeated words like "Access document" "themselves" "living in schools" or even linking words like "for example".... and you can possibly find other ways to express them. Moreover, you made some grammatical mistakes, such as "..." This should be corrected into:" when living in schools helps students get easier access to documents and learn to live independently."

Some linking words are used inappropriately and mechanically. You don't need to begin with "For example" to introduce an example.

The last thing, but the most important one, is you should learn to develop your ideas. Just have a look at the 3rd paragraph. I don't think I can get more information if I continue reading the 3 supporting sentences. You mention the library and computers, which is specific but not enough.

I hope my advice can help you somehow. Good luck :D


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