Students' achievement in the high school competency exams based on the lesson classifications

Students Who Passed Their High School Competency Exams, by Subject and Gender in 2010/2011

A breakdown of the information about the students' achievement in the high school competency exams based on the lesson classifications and sexes between 2010 and 2011 is revealed by the bar chart. Overall, the girls hit the high point in computer science subjects during the period whereas mathematics was the biggest accomplishment for boys.

To start with, in science subjects, computer science was the highest attainment for female students. It reached 56.3% in which it 14% larger than male students got. However, mathematics was the largest achievement for male students even though it was 1% lower than female students did. The rest subjects of science, physics and chemistry, were the high accession for girls.

Meanwhile, in social subjects, many boys passed the exam in geography. They had 10% larger of girls, at 30.4%. Nevertheless, many girls passed the exam of the rest social subjects, history and foreign language, by around 3% and 1% larger than boys did. 157w

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  bar chart
  

hello mrs anna

It reached 56.3% in which it was 14% [miss the verb] larger than male students got.

They had 10%larger of girls, at 30.4% [pay attention about comparison and you should compare it with another else .
..., by around 3% and 1% respectifly larger than ...

Anna, you are suggested to complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introductory part of your essay. It is unfortunate that you created only two sentences in what was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:

A breakdown of... (1st sentence)
The values are measured in... (2nd sentence)
Overall, it can be seen that the girls... (3rd sentence)

Keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system. This is why I suggest you to aim to write for at least 165 words minimum up to 190 words maximum.

Hope this helps :)

1. Overall, the girls hit the high point ...
------>Overall, the girls hit the highest point in computer science subject during the period whereas mathematics was the biggest accomplishment for boys.

2. It reached 56.3% in which it 14% ...
------>It reached at 56.3% which it 14% larger than male students got.

3. However, mathematics was the largest achievement ...
------>However, "mathematics" category was the largest achievement for male students even though it was 1% lower than female students did.

4. The rest subjects of science, physics ...
------->The rest subjects of science, "physics" and "chemistry" categories, were the highest accession for girls.

5. They had 10% larger of girls, at 30.4%.
---->They had 10% larger than girls at 30.4%.

6. by around 3% and 1% larger than boys did.
----->by around 3% and 1% larger than boys did respectively.