I am preparing my toefl test, please help me to find out my mistakes. Thanks!
The advance of contemporary society has expedited rapid progresses in a variety of aspects in life, which also arouses a series of issues. One of them concerns the length of students' vacation. To this point, it is often cited that longer vacation is necessary for students to obtain a fully relaxation from the busy school life. Personally, I vote against this view for the following views.
Granted, some may argue that students may have the opportunity to develop their own habits and interests by owning more free time. In other words, the classes school offered are often too compulsory that students hardly have chance to foster their own habits. However, they can do the things they really interested if their vacations are longer than before, which means they can participate in various activities such as visiting the museums they like or even traveling around the world. That is to say, students are readily to learn more knowledge that they will not learn in the classes, this will lead to the extension of their horizons. Be that as it may, a closer examination will reveal a crucial fact being overlooked in this case. That is, rather than promoting the comprehensive competence of the students, this policy is highly likely to cause more harms than its benefits per se. To be more specific, there are a lot of students who probably don't utilize their vacation to do truly meaningful things, instead of that, they may like to squander their time and just stay at home playing games or watching movies. As we all know, students own terrible self-control ability, which leads to the waste of the valuable time. In other words, students can't use their vacations efficiently as supposed.
What's more, when the students own an additional break, then most of them may not review what they have learned at school. In other words, what they do in the vacations could have no relations with their schoolwork, which means they will need more time to refresh their memory at the beginning of the next semester, on account of wasting more time, they may delay the process of the teaching. In that case, their academic performance will be influenced and, thus, their grades probably will incline. Additionally, their parents may feel disappointed because their children's performances are opposite with their original expectations. In sum, students' academic performance will not be improved if their vacation is longer than before.
The primary benefit of staying at school lies in the advantageous studying atmosphere and benign relationships with the classmates and faculties. By learning at school, students are often under the supervise of the teachers, which means students are more easily to gain help from teachers and solve the difficult problems effectively. This will further lead to more knowledge they obtain. On the other hand, there are many group thinking and group activities in the school, for instance, students usually need to cooperate to finish some projects or collect materials, under that circumstance, and they are more likely to think actively, make plans by themselves and allocate the different assignments. There is no doubt that these factors can contribute to the critical thinking, the cooperative skills and even the leadership. On account of that, students would gain plentiful useful experiences and skills. This further leads to the comprehensive development and advanced competence. In sum, students will be more successful if they stay in the school instead of their homes.
To sum up, from what have been discussed above, it is safe to come to a conclusion that school arranges longer vacation per year is harmful for students' development.
Shang, one of the elements that is tested in the TOEFL test is your ability to comprehend the essay prompt. In order to accurately perform that task, you need to properly introduce the topic in summary form, which you did. However, you are lacking an overview of the reasons that you will be discussing in the essay, which is a necessary element of the introductory topic. If you can inform the reader as to what reasons you will be stating, they will have an idea as to how the essay conversation will flow.
Personally, I vote against this view for the following views.
- This should end in a colon marked as : since you are expected to begin enumerating your reasons thereafter.
I will commend you at this point for a balanced discussion regarding the pros and cons of a long vacation. How long do you have to practice before the TOEFL test? If we are to base your chances of passing on this essay then I would say, imperfect grammar and all, that you have a very good chance of passing it. Speaking of imperfect grammar, you can strive to perfect your use of the English language over time. However, it is not a requirement to pass the TOEFL. You just need to make sure that your thoughts and reasoning will come across to the reader. If your thoughts are incoherent in the practice test, we will be sure to point it out and correct it :-)
