All students need relaxation after hours of stressful study

Hi, guys. I'm new here and was hoping your feedback regarding my opinion about students with their study. I am very appreciate if you can help me. Thanks for your all attention. Have a nice day! ^.^

Some students say that rarely spend time on leisure due to their studies and this always leads them under pressure. This situation was caused by two major factors.

Parental expectation is the first cause building pressure. Parents all want to see their children to do well at school and have a good career. This means they are willing to exert pressure on children to spend hours each day studying at home or centers. In my countries, young people usually spend at least three hours at private center after the school. As a result, they are always stressful and cannot get a good achievement on their studies.

The second cause is related to higher education system. More students desire to enroll into famous university that they want. Because of this, they themselves put a lot of pressure. They even study twice times so that they can have a chance of success. For example, In Vietnam, a large number of students attend the university examination each year. Many of them has passed the exam, some others has failed and felt depressed.

There are some solutions that can help students falling into in this situation. One solution to this problem is parents need to be aware of bad effects of pressure they put on their children. School and children should inform parents too much pressure can lead to anxiety, stress and depression. Parents had better make a suitable schedule with a justifiable amount of leisure time. Another effective way would be for the government to invest in creation of more university places. This could be done by expanding existing university or by building the new ones. Therefore, student can have more opportunities for university enrolment.

To sum up, students now forget the time for relaxation after hours of stressful study. It would be worse for their physical and mental health if students continue this situation.

- Some students say that they rarely spend..
- Parents allonly want to see their children...
- In my countriescountry , young people usually
- spend at least three hours at private center after the school.
- As a result, they are always stressful and cannot get a good achievement on their studiesget good enough grades to present to their parents .
- They even study twice timestake double degrees so that they can have a chance of success.
- There are some solutions that can help students from falling into in this situation.
-Parents had better make ashould consider a more suitable..
- Another effective way would be for the government to invest in creation ofcreating more university placesstate universities .
- Therefore, students can have more opportunities forin enrolling to a university enrolment .

I definitely agree, all work and no play is not pleasant at all, school should be fun, entertaining and relaxing. School should be a place where one can hone their abilities and lead the world in the future. Studying as far as I remember is synonymous to learning, when you study, you should learn and not get stressed.

Thank you very much for your contribution, justivy03. I would be very grateful if you can help me more in the future. ^.^

Maybe providing a specific case that can be related to the stress within students will make a stronger essay.
Good luck!

I think you should improve your introduction and conclusion paragraph. They're too short and do not cover your all included ideas.
Some suggestions for you:
Intro: Gone are the days when children feel free and inspired to go to school. Due to the overwhelming importance attached to learning and school, modern children have to experience intolerable pressure and easily fall into stress. For the purpose of this essay, I will elaborate on some rationales behind this matter as well as propose some strategies to deal with it.

Conclusion: From what has been discussed, it is clear that parental expectations as well as the desire to study higher academic level trigger overwhelming strains and make students more susceptible to stress. I seriously recommend that educators should take my proposed solutions into consideration so that our concerted attempt can put an end to this alarming matter.

Hope that my comment can help you improve your later essay. Thanks>>>>

As per the rule of Academic Writing, an introductory paragraph consists of background sentence and thesis statement. In this case, you wrote very good opening sentence, but I am not sure whether this forms a line with the prompt or not. I suggest including the prompt completely here. A closer look at my model answer for intro;

Education leads to potential path in life. As such, some people argue that parents are to force children to study hard so as to rank best in school. Likewise, educational stakeholders play an important role in sustaining improved outcome. As a result of these approaches, some children suffer from stress. Therefore, I would argue that parents and school should offer helps in order to relieve this study-related stress

hope this helps, eddy suaib.

I think you can elaborate few of the statements that you have made. Like, how establishing more state universities will decrease the amount of pressure on the children to enroll in an university program. Also, apart from parents, the universities should also hold yoga sessions and seminars, educating the kids on incorporation of leisure time in their long study schedule. Also, in the start of your essay, you can start by saying that how in today's time when super specialization and talent is at its peak, the importance of a high quality education is paramount and how much pressure is put on the kids, not only by parents, but also by the society and peers to excel leading to kids putting pressure on themselves. You can rephrase it and incorporate it.

I really thank all of you for your helps ^.^