Ielts Writing task 2 : Studying abroad - Discuss both views

writing task:

Many students now have the opportunity to study in other countries.

Studying abroad may bring some benefits to some students, but it also has a significant number of disadvantages.
Discuss both sides of the argument and give your own opinion

It is true that nowadays there is the ubiquitousness of studying overseas among students. Advocates of this trend claim that it offers various advantages while opponents assert studying abroad may cause some fundamental consequences. In my point of view, I believe that its benefit may eclipse its drawbacks.

On one hand, it is true that students have to confront a wide range of problems when they live in another country. The economic burden is the first demerit. Studying abroad is associated with many costs including tuition fees, travel expenses, and cost of living, which may lead to student debt. Another issue students have to encounter is homesickness. Students are obligated to live far from their hometown when studying overseas. As a result, the state of homesickness always occurs affecting negatively their education performance. Moreover, they may hesitate to communicate due to the unfamiliar, this may harm their mental health.

Having said that, I believe studying abroad delivers many benefits. Firstly, it may enhance the practical skills of students. Living in another country requires people to learn a new language for the sake of interacting with locals, therefore, ex-pats are forced to practice their language skills on a daily basis. As a result, they can reach a professional level in using the native language. Moreover, when students study in another country, they have to build their life by themselves, which promotes their independence, self-reliance, and maturity. Secondly, it would appear students who study in a foreign country have more job prospects. Having studied abroad, students have chances to experience a brand-new country with a novel culture contributing to developìng a more sophisticated worldview. This view helps them become more easily adaptable to situations requiring international interaction Based on the conducted research, eighty percent of the overseas students said that studying abroad allowed them to work in diverse environments. Needless to say, it is a great advantage regarding attracting employers, especially in the globalized world nowadays.

In conclusion, studying abroad contains both pros and cons. In my perspective, its potential benefits in terms of personal growth and career opportunities heavily overweigh its drawbacks. However, students who intend to study abroad still should have good preparation mentally and financially to confront unexpected situations

I need some feedbacks and advice, thank you so much!

@HFighting
try to avoid repeating "it is true that"
try to make your sentence softer. you wrote "another issue student have to encounter is homesickness"
try to use modal verbs ( may,might,should,could)

Do not present your opinion in the thesis statement. That should be presented at the end of each public point of view explanation because you are being asked to deliver your personal opinion regarding each reasoning presented in the original prompt. While you properly referred to the public point of view in your first reasoning paragraph, there is a lack of personal opinion towards the end of it. Do you agree with the opinion? Why? Support your opinion with personal knowledge or examples.

Your essay did not properly develop the discussion points for each public point of view so you will definitely lose points for that. The essay is over discussed and your personal opinion takes a concrete side in the discussion. Since an opinion is required, the opinion should be delivered based on each reason provided. You have to show an understanding of both points of view by properly supporting or not supporting each reason provided. As such, the essay is over written but not properly developed. It does not follow the required discussion format.

While you will get a score using this type of presentation, you will not get the highest possible score because of certain formatting errors on your part. The discussion format is always indicated in the original prompt. All you have to do is follow the topic, reason, and presentation format as indicated. Analyze the essay requirements before you write the essay, Do not begin writing immediately after reading the prompt. Outline first. Make sure all the discussion aspects are represented in your draft, then finalize it based on the required content and format.

I was impressed by the way you develop your ideas, as well as your range of vocabulary. Despite some repetitive phrases "it is true...", your paraphrasing was great. I highly appreciate your effort!

There is another drawback that can be mentioned : mental health. Students who are studying abroad usually feel lonely and stressful. They sometimes become depressed if these emotions keep lasting for a long time.

Your ideas were great.