IELTS Writing Task 2 : Studying History - what's the aim of it?

TOPIC:

HISTORY

Some people think studying from the past offer no benefits to today's life, while others believe that history is valuable source of information for us. Discuss both view and give our opinion.

ANSWER
History is always a controversial subject for the practical application to modern life. When some people reject learning from the past, fortunately the others still believe that history can teach them precious lessons.

One the one hand, I understand why many opponents of the study of history assume it has nothing to gain from doing research that what happened in the past. In their mind, Historical knowledges are rarely used in society, so we should concentrate on science or technology that can bring relevant values to the present and future. Furthermore, History, in common parlance, is the record of past events based on different facts and perspectives, it is too difficult to guarantee of the accuracy of information obtained. Therefore, if there were new discoveries about history, it would cause tremendous upheavals for human culture.

On the other side, people who overcome conventional thinking still suppose history plays an important role in the development of mankind. It helps people have thorough insights into not only their own but also other countries 's culture and evolvement. Especially The youth need to know how their ancestors defended the nation against intruders throughout many dynasties and maintain an independent and sovereign country as currently. This would develop their patriotism and desire for peace, at the same time help young generation to avoid similar mistakes in the future.

Finally, in my opinion, History is always an essential subject should be respected because of the values that it brings. However, the teaching of History needs to close to beneficial events in order to use in reality.

(261 words)

Valery, your essay became a personal opinion paper because you did not accurately represent the paraphrased statement as requiring both points of view and your opinion. Once the body paragraph is read, you immediately start with the pronoun "I" which is indicative of a personal opinion. Therefore, you changed the slant of the discussion from 2 points of view and your opinion to solely your opinion, creating a personal opinion essay alone. That will indicate a misunderstanding of the prompt requirements and result in a failing score for your essay. The correct format for this essay is as follows:

1. Paraphrased statement with discussion instructions at the end.
2. First point of view discussion;
3. Comparison discussion of the second point of view with the first point of view;
4. Personal opinion discussion;
5. Concluding paragraph.

While you did discuss the varying points of view, the fact that you used the first person pronoun changed the point of view from public to personal. The essay prompt requires a discussion of each public point of view before your personal point of view. The thorough personal opinion is also mistakenly placed in the concluding statement. That is the improper way of writing your personal opinion. You need to write that as a paragraph that is complete and not used to simply close the essay. That is an unacceptable concluding statement because you are continuing the discussion of the topic rather than ending it in a manner that sums up the discussion for the reader and allows the reader to form his own opinion based upon the summarized information.