Q. In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice.
As far as my way of thinking is concerned, I think computers or televisions cannot replace teachers and friends. So I prefer studying at traditional schools. Here is my reasons.
First, computers and televisions are not always used for studying. Actually, they have a variety of entertainments. Thus, most of the students who can't concentrate on studying or those who have self-leading studying habit will have difficulty learning with computers and televisions. Consequently, their academic skills may be dropped. Perhaps, some students those who study by themselves could expand their knowledge horizon. Even though that is true, basically both preparing and reviewing are just preparations for learning classes more effectively.
Second, in my opinion, school is not a place only for study. At school, we learn how to adapt ourselves to society by meeting teachers, friends, - that means "new" faces - with their own personalities. If we don't go to schools, it is hard to meet various people. Because of this, I think this is a the greatest, and easiest way of learning valuable social skills naturally. Furthermore, if we don't go to school, it'll become nearly impossible to teach students a right set of values. In other words, teachers and students may not face to face with each other, so teachers don't know what they wear, how they play..., etc. And if there are any erratic student in class, teacher will get in trouble because he or she can't handle student, since one-on-one counseling would not be accomplished.
Third, students who don't have computer or television may have trouble studying with computer and television. For example, in my house, there is no television. So I sometimes feel alone when my friends are talking about idol stars, or television programs that I don't know. And when computers and televisions break down, students who study by using technologies will be interrupted.
Therefore, for these reasons, I prefer studying at traditional schools. In my humble opinion, it is true way to learn and the process of progressively realizing our society.
Why don't you take the suggestions and try to re-write the essay and then re-post it on the forum; perhaps others might be able to chime in and provide their inputs as well. I think that you have a fine essay here, you just have to clean it up a little. It will be better if you were to re-write it and re-post it. I think that you will get more out of the forum that way.
I thought of something to add:
Entertainment is not usually used with an s. That is an easy mistake to make. So, do not write
entertainments . I would do this:
Actually, they have a variety of entertainment programs.
Kevin and Kim,
I crossed the "s" out of entertainment(s), but it is not readily visible. But, that is an excellent way to express it, Kevin. I didn't think about that.
Kim -- re-write the essay and let us take a look at it again!