IELTS TASK 1 (GENERAL) You are studying for a qualification, and you need some time off work

you need a time off, so write a letter to your manager

You are studying for a qualification, and you would like some time off work to complete it.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:
·Ask for some time off to complete a qualification.
·Suggest what you will do later at work if you have time off.
·Say how the qualification helps your job or company.

Dear Sir,

With due respect, I am writing to apply for 25 days leaves from work to attend my final semester sessions of Certified Public Accountant course from California University.

At the onset, I would like to introduce myself, and I am Jennie Freud one the executives of accounts department having employee Id number A53390 and working under the supervision of Mr Allen Joy. I am expecting some time-off from 15th August 2019 to 10th September 2019 to finish my last session. As California University is strictly professional with their academic rules, therefore I cannot expect any adjustment from them. Hence, I am seeking the above-said furlough leaves from work to attend the tutorials along with exams as they are mandatory for the certification.

Furthermore, Since I already closed the final accounts of the previous financial year with adjustment entries, thus all work had already submitted before the due dates. In order to complete the rest tasks, I will do overtime work after rejoining for at least two hours each day. With extended time strategy, both pending and the current job would be able to finish before next month deadlines. However, the tax deduction would be only constrained during my study leaves, reason being I have given complete notes to Mr Paul, one of the executives of the same department.

Lastly, if you approve my sabbatical, our company would also get benefited in future, as I become authorized to certify international accounts. Additionally, we are also launching foreign accounts outsourcing this year, and fruitfully the human resource department would not require to hire the new applicant. It would cost-effective for our firm as the accounts department would be able to handle both accounting either domestic or overseas.

I look forward to your prompt reply.

Yours faithfully 16.08.2019
Jennie Freud

@KAURNAVI
Hello. It's nice to see people constantly coming back to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful as always.

While I find that the general flow of composition is alright, the organization of thoughts can still be improved. If you, for instance, introduce yourself first before proceeding to writing extensively, you'll be able to have a firmer introductory paragraph.

Furthermore, I would recommend working on the third paragraph. You appeared to have more run-on content due to how elaborate your writing is. Try to compose with more concise and simpler sentences instead of mashing everything altogether. This will help you write with more intention.

I would recommend retaining as well your last paragraphs. They're sufficient as they are now.