Ielts writing task 2: What does success come from?

Topic:
Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks. Others believe that success results from careful planning.
In your opinion, what does success come from?

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Leading a successful life is one of the imperative targets each individual wants. To reach that, some supporters believe in the importance of being adventurous while others attach great importance to detailed upcoming plans. I suppose that both of these factors are the backbone of anyone's brilliant achievements.

Hundreds of reasons can be listed to support the decisive role of risk-taking and careful planning to succeed. In fact, when starting to actualize any plans, people are instinctively wary of numerous failures to cope with in the foreseeable future and then tend to delay their aspirations. Otherwise, if one individual accepts to venture, that means she is daring to act and cope with all hurdles during the execution of the plan. Besides, a detailed chain of action is also necessary to assess risks, minimize damages and shorten the path to success. Taking Coco Chanel as an example, despite living in a masculine society, she still renovated conventional outfits of women based on their own interests instead of men's as before. Her accomplishment had been done by meticulous planning from seeking potential customers to expanding various products. Nowadays, Chanel has overcome many objections to successfully becoming a powerful brand transforming the fashion world.

From my perspective, in addition to drawing clear plans or encountering risks, passion is an overwhelming drive for people to reach their goals. Firstly, passion is what generates the desire for people to resiliently power over setbacks or sacrifice a massive amount of time to organize long-term strategies heading toward completing targets. Successful novelists, film directors, scientists, world-class athletes, and other people who have risen to the top of their fields all possess a deep motivation to work extraordinarily hard at something. For instance, Harland Sanders still started his own business at 65 years old after 1009 failed attempts thanks to being passionate about cooking.

In conclusion, both internal and external factors such as knowledge, motivation, and environment affecting one's success are worth considering and improving. To achieve that, each person is required to be persistent and optimistic in any situation.

Note: I would be happy if you give me some feedback and even a band score as well. Thank you for spending time answering!

The writer presented a personal opinion in the opening sentence instead of merely restating the given topic covering 2 point of view sentences. That first sentence will be considered a prompt deviation since it states a fact that is not supported nor implied by the original presentation. The writer will continously lose points for any references that is non-supported by the given prompt discussion. Play by the rules, interpet the topic using only the presented information. That way deductions can and will be avoided in terms of scoring considerations.

Due to the way the discussion question was framed, the comparative discussion format that the writer opted to use is highly acceptable for the presentation. It can be said that success in life comes from both of the points of view presented. However, the writer used too many word to explain himself. In an actual test, this overexplanation will cause him to write an incomplete essay since he only has 40 minutes to complete the task based on scoring considerations. There are clear areas where the writer will receive point deductions based on all the rubic considerations since he did not bother to review and edit the work to lessen the scoring deductions. Merely writing without considering the scores for each section will result in a failing essay presentation. A long essay will always result in a failing presentation like this one.