The graph ilustrates the figures of Gross Domestic Product (GDP) of the UK from IT and service industry in the five different years during the period from 1992 to 2000. In comparison with the data in 1992. Overall, there was upward trend in the percentage of service industry during period 1992 to 2000.
As can be clearly seen, the highest GDP of service industry in period 2000 with the total GDP approximately 8 percent, which increased gradually from 1992. During the periode 1994 to 1996, there was downward trend about 1 percent in IT. During the latter for period from 1992 to 2000, the figure for IT was highest GDP with more than 15 percent.
In conclusion, there was substanicial increase of IT and service industry during the period 1992 to 2000. whereas, the percentage change of service industry between 1994 untl 1996 fell by around 1 percent.
The chart shows components of GDP in the UK from 1992 to 2000
Hi Alfin,
I can see that you have structural problems here. I hope the detailed analysis below would help you improving your writing skill.
1st paragraph:
- ...in the five different years during the period from 1992 to 2000.
- In comparison with the data in 1992.(There is no subject and verb, this is NOT a sentence)
- Overall, it can be seen that there was an upward trend (...) industry during period 1992 to 2000over 8 years period.
2nd paragraph:
- As can be clearly seenTo begin with , the highest GDP (...) approximately 8 percent, which increased gradually from 1992.
- During the periodeFrom 1994 to 1996, there was a downward trend for about 1 percent in IT.
- ... the figure for IT was the highest GDP with ...
- In conclusion, there was substanicial increase ...
- whereas, the percentage change of service ...
Seems to me that you wrote all of your sentences by using similar patterns that are similar to overview sentence. This is not suggested at all. This can drag your score down to 5 or even worse. Try to come up with detail data when you explain it in the body paragraph. It is not necessary to mention the "general overview" for each paragraph.
Hope this helps :)
Dear Alfian
let me give you some inputs:
1. is not is your summary article, is it? you have to find the article from the chosen websites, just pick up one to be your summarized article. I think it is not allowed to summary the chart since it seems you do writing task 1. since you are going to study in the business sector, I strongly recommend you to read time and the economist. it really helps you to increase your business vocabularies.
2. please pay attention to your grammatical manners. i found so many mistakes on it. Overall, you have improved your english.
Dear Alfin, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!
Overall, there was an upward trend in ...
... of service industry in period 2000 with (...) 8 percent, whichwas increased gradually from 1992.
During the periode 1994 to 1996, there was a downward trend about 1 percent in IT proportion.
During the latter for period from 1992 to 2000 , the figure for IT was the highest GDP ...
...there was a substanicial increased of IT and service industry during the period 1992 to 2000 .
... industry between 1994 untland 1996 fell down by around 1 percent.
Regards
hai alfin
I have some suggestions for you
hope it works
The graph ilustratesillustrates the figures (...) (GDP) ofin the UK frombetween IT and service industry...
In comparison with the data in 1992. Overall, there was upward ...
overall, there was an upward trend both of them.
... of a service industry in the period 2000 with the total GDP at approximately 8 percent, which increased gradually from 1992.
During the periode 1994 to 1996, there was a downward trend about ...
thanks
keep writing
Hi Alfin, below are my thoughts on your essay.
- (GDP) ofin the UK from IT and the service industry
- in the five different years during the period from 1992 to 2000.
- In comparison with the data in 1992. - I believe this particular sentence is not necessary
- Overall, there was an upward trend in
- the percentage of the service industry during the period of 1992 to 2000.
- As it can be clearly seen,
- the highest GDP of service industry in the period of 2000 with the total GDP at approximately 8 percent,
- During the periodeof 1994 to 1996,
- there was a downward trend t about 1 percent in IT.
- During the latter for period fromof 1992 to 2000,
- washas the highest GDP with...
There you have it Alfin, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last paragraph of the essay for you to practice editing it yourself and this will also be a time for you to hone your skills on proof reading.
Hey, I noticed you have a few grammar error in your writing. The most error I found is the lack of articles in your writing and spelling mistakes.
The graphilustrates the figures of Gross Domestic ...
Overall, there was upward trend in the (...) during period 1992 to 2000.
..., the highest GDP ofservice industry inperiod [...]. During the periode 1994 to 1996, there was downward trend about 1 percent in IT. During the latter forperiod from 1992 to 2000, the figure for IT was highest GDP with more ...
In conclusion, there wassubstanicial increase of IT ...
... service industry between 1994 untl 1996 fell by around 1 percent.
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