Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Ted Summary - Edward Snowden - How we take back the internet



fadhilmd25 41 / 71  
Sep 19, 2016   #1
Edward Snowden, who said to be a traitor and hero towards America National Security, had attended in the stage talking about his issue. The dilemma of his action became the controversial in America as he revealed the archives of America government's secret data. As he was part of NSA, he had to work and fully support the government action, however, he has managed his own ways to help America even if he had to be said as a traitor.

His actions of publishing certain classified data to the journalist were his attention as he thought that some of government actions were gone too far. For instance, PRISM program of NSA has broken the law of privacy which may affect the company courtesies as well as securities. This kind of program needs to be erased based on his point of view. Furthermore, the solution has been given by him to the companies through his action so that the companies can increase the encryption of their websites to defend from intruders.

Overall, his intention through controversial actions are aimed to protect and remind America about its action towards other internet users privacy. This step needs to be done to create better future in privacy of accessing internet.

Wolf Larsen - / 109  
Sep 20, 2016   #2
Hello

Your text is understandable but a bit coarse. You should spend more time speaking/reading in English to get a better feel for this language. Some of the suggested adjustments to the text are as follows:


towards [...] for...
had attended in the stage talking about his issue [...] delivered a public statement, regarding his decision to reveal to Americans how the country's secret services spy on them.

The dilemma [...] What he did continues to spark much controversy, because he revealed...
however, he has managed [...] he decided that informing people about the illegal activities of these services was more important than building his professional career.
His actions [...] this sentence sounds redundant... you'd be better removing it.
law of privacy [...] privacy law...
the company courtesies as well as securities [...] the company's reputation.
needs to be erased [...] must be eliminated...
I hope this will help. Regards.


Home / Writing Feedback / Ted Summary - Edward Snowden - How we take back the internet
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳