A summary of an article on The Guardian about phenomenon brain drain and its causes

"Brain drain"

A great number of teachers in cash-strapped English comprehensives are now fleeing aboard to other international education destinations, which leads to a phenomenon called " Brain drain". Here are some points for this trend. Many teachers find it better and more proper for them to work overseas rather than in UK state schools. A research at Rosenberg, one of the most dignified institutions in Swiss, found that a large amount of teachers there are foreign teachers from the UK. It also can be seen as an upgrade in facilities for sports, recreation, and class-size there. Besides, it also provides teachers with a better environment to be more inventive, independent, and trusted to concentrate on the quality of teaching rather than crowd management. From the perspective of the education system in the UK, teachers, themselves, have to suffer from extreme workloads, teaching pressures and the lack of other amenities encouraging work-life balance. When working aboard, in contrast, they are offered superior lives with free accommodation, small classes with delightful pupils, reasonable workloads, nice colleagues, no concerns about Ofsted- a non-ministerial department which is responsible for inspecting a range of educational institutions, and better salaries. A poll conducted by National Education Union found that a great proportion of teachers have the intention to quit their jobs in the nearest future, contributed by "out-of-control" workload pressures and excessive accountability at their schools in the UK. When being asked about the probability of going back to English state schools, the majority of teachers said they would never consider coming back to British classrooms, meanwhile, a small subset of them would choose to go back to England to resume their careers. Back to the UK, in the run-up to a general election, all parties tend to pledge more money to ameliorate the teaching environment by increasing teachers' salaries, investigating on high-stakes school inspections. Still, it remains a doubt about the slump in the exodus of teachers, as most teachers, they prefer what they get overseas and are not willing to return where they had left. The alarm bells have been ringing since it can be witnessed a paramount increase in the number of pupils applying for schools over the next few years, while greater numbers of British teachers are being lured by other international institutions. Many schools have considered looking for teachers elsewhere in the world and convincing them to work in English classes because the UK's teachers, themselves, find it hard to get back when they are now aboard.

@HienRyan
Hey, welcome to the forum! I hope that the feedback you receive here becomes helpful for you. Don't hesitate to ask for more questions should you have any!

Firstly, it is critical that you write with clarity because this will determine how well-received the rest of the writing will be. For instance, the first sentence is overcrowded with information that could have been omitted for you to be able to comprehend the text with more ease - and without tugging the rest of the text. You also didn't need to incorporate quotation marks for the term brain drain as you were simply reiterating without introducing something new.

When you're writing, the formatting of the words you're using is extremely important. For example, do not just say that it is "better and more proper" when you could have opted for other words such as more beneficial. In that regard, you would have been able to create a more effective writing pattern for your essay to evade being baffling to the readers.

Lastly, always connect everything back to the concept that you've introduced. You made mention of brain drain in the earlier part of the text; however, you no longer used it in the latter parts, which is confusing given that it's supposed to be the core message of your writing. Always be cautious of the direction that your writing is heading into.