Peter Singer stated that 6.9 million children died each year in 2011 caused by preventable disease, while most people spent their money for something they didn't really need like vacation or buy a new car. Peter Singer introducing effective altruism that is movement which promoting effective and rational donation. For example: rather than spend 40.000 dollars for trained a guide dog for one blind people in America it will be better if spend 40.000 dollars for cure blind people in developing country which each people cost about 20 up to 50 dollars.
Peter Singer also stated that people should have moral obligation to help other people even though they are far away from where we live. Physical distance, race or nationality difference didn't have morally relevance as reason for not help other people.
Hello Yonathan, it is very nice writing and also i really appreciate with your efforts to do this essay. But, i have a several comments about your writing to make it more good. So, keep watch!
At the second sentence of first paragraph, you write "Peter Singer introducing effective altruism that is............." I think that's error grammar on your writing. So, I suggest you to change it with "Peter Singer introduce an effective altruism that is.........." And also, i give you an advice about punctuation because I seen that your sentence is too long, such as in the third sentence of first paragraph.
Ok yonathan, i think that's for me and keep practice!
hi friend i have some advices for you about using efficient passage
Peter Singer stated that 6.9 million children died each year in 2011 caused by preventable disease
should be
Peter Singer stated that 6.9 million children died each year in 2011 . it caused by preventable disease.
that is more effective
the academic essay uses the link up word is banned .for example,
didn't should be did not .
and others about punctuation
to help other people even though, they
i think it, beside of that is good and please pay attention about punctuation ,conjuction ,improving collocation word
i hope it helps yo
hi nathan.
thanks for your feedback for me before.
here I want to give some advice..
6.9 million children died each year in 2011
>> the tenses is a little bit confusing. you wrote 'each year' but you give details 'in 2011'. it does not match with the tenses, you should choose whether you will use present tense or past tense with correct time signal.
Peter Singer introducing[introduces / introduced] effective altruism that is [a] movement which promoting[promotes] effective and rational donation.
For example:[,] rather than spend[spending] 40.000 dollars for trained a guide dog[a trained guide dog] for one blind people[person] in America[,] it will be better if [give subject, we, they, etc] spend 40.000 dollars for[to] cure blind people in developing country which each people [person] cost about 20 up to 50 dollars.
I hope it helps.
keep writing as well..
cayo!
