TED Summary: How Playing an Instrument Benefits Your Brain by Anita Collins

In the last few decades, neuroscientists have made enormous breakthroughs in comprehending how the brain works by observing it in real time situation with appliances such as Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (FMRI) and Positron Emission Tomography (PET) scanner by involving people who listened to music and played musical instruments as the respondents. When the researchers monitored those who were listening to music, they saw fireworks on multiple areas of their brain related at once to understand the elements such as melody and rhythm and then put them all back together as musical experience. Consequently, listening to music engages the brain into some interesting activities. While in musicians' brain movements, the neuroscientists noticed multiple areas of the brain lighted out simultaneously in processing different information. This equals to a full-body workout as the neuroscientists explain that playing musical instruments will practically engage every area of the brain, especially the visual, motoric and auditory functions. It will also strengthen these brain's functions and enable the musicians to utilize those strengths to various activities.

Therefore, playing musical instruments is able to increase the volume and motions of the brain's corpus callosum, the bridge between the two hemispheres. It also allows musicians to solve problems more effectively and creatively in both academic and social studying. Thus, musicians often have higher level of exact function, a category of interlink tasks including planning, approaching, and attention to detail, which requires simultaneous analysis of both cognitive and emotional aspects.

Source: youtube.com/watch?v=R0JKCYZ8hng

Hello Fitri12 I want you obtain some suggestions from me for your essay

here we go:

... by involving people who listened to music and played...

in my opinion. you should use "whom" because your word reverse to object.

... elements such as melody and rhythm and then put them all back together ...

you can replace too many "and" words with semicolon conjunction.

Consequently, listening to music engages inthe brain into some interesting activities.

I think engage should following by "in"

... musical instruments will practically engage in every area of the brain,..

I think engage should following by "in"

Therefore, playing musical instruments is ] able to increase the volume ...

you wrote musical instruments are going to be plural and you should use "are"

note: keep writing and go ahead

Hi Ali, here's another one from my end and I will focus on the last paragraph of the essay.

- instruments is able towill increase the
- more ( I believe, "effectively", is sufficient enough to relay your message ) effectively and
- creatively in both academic and social studyingstudies .
- Thus, musicians often have a higher level of
- interlinkinterconnected tasks

There you have it Ali, I hope the above insights are helpful to your revision. Overall, you have a logical and well versed essay. For your future writing projects, make sure that you have all the points covered and this includes the minor details such as linking verbs and the forms of the verbs itself as this will have an overall impact in the outcome of the essay.

hi friend i have some suggestion for you

will engange pratically

playing musical instruments are able
which requires simultaneous analysis of

i hope it can help you..more circumspectness

Hi Fitri, I have several suggestion for you :

is able to increase the volume and motions of the brain's corpus
I think the word before and after "and" should have the same form. it can be corrected to "volumes and motions"

including planning, approaching, and attention to detail ,
it has similar problem with the previous one. You can say " .. and getting attention to detail"

It also allows musicians to solve problems
you can add personal pronoun "their" before the word problem

Thanks