Salman Khan criticizes the traditional academic model when the teacher gives many homework to students and teacher judge the student based on the score they get. In real life, the traditional academic model is unacceptable. For example, when a contractor gives an order to workers for build a foundation, and he said "do it as you can" and when the workers did not give the best result the contractor just give a bad score to them.
Salman Khan stated that traditional academic model constructs a pyramid society, while in a base of the pyramid there are many people for human labor purposes. In the middle of the pyramid is consist of information processing or bureaucracy class, and top of the pyramid are consist of capital owner or entrepreneurs. In communication era, many people have access to information but the majority didn't participate in technology. Meanwhile, just fewer people know how to operate a technology or do something aspirational.
Hai Jonathan
You've done well, but there are several inputs for you.
... teacher gives many homeworks to students andthe teacher judges the students. Bb ased on the score they get.
... an order to workers for building a foundation, and he said(...) as they expected give the best result the contractor just give a bad score to them.
Hi Yonathan,after reading your summary, i have some suggestions, perhaps useful for you.
1. ... based on the score they get. got
2. In real life---> in the real life
3.Salman Khan stated that traditional academic model ... -----> better if you use argued
4.give the best result the contractor just give a bad score to them.---> dont forget to put comma,be carreful with your punctuation
hi..
i have a comment for you..
Salman Khan criticizes [is] the traditional academic model ...
>> don't forget about the verb. it is greatly imperative in the writing that we should consider.
thanks..
i hope it helps..
Hai Jonathan
You've done well, but there are several inputs for you.
... model when the teacher gives many homeworks to students and teacher judge the students based on the score they havegetgot .
... best result the contractor just givegave a bad score to them.
... model constructs a pyramid society,.wW hile in a base of the pyramid...
In the middle of the pyramid is consist of information processing or bureaucracy classgroups , and top of the pyramid are consist of capital owners or entrepreneurs. In communication era, many people have to access tothe information but the majority didn'tdid not participate in technology. Meanwhile, just fewer of people know how (...) something aspirational.
Hello Brother
Let me give you some advices
Salman Khan criticize the traditional academic >> Salman Khan criticized model
when the teachergives many homework >> when the teachers gave many assignments
For example, when a contractor gives an order to >> For example, when a contractor were given
Thereare many people for human labor purposes >> there were many people
Keep Writing
Hello Yonathan,
... traditional academic model method when the teacher gives many homeworkS to students and teacher judgeS the studentS based on ..
... traditional academic model concept is unacceptable.
... an order to workers for building a foundation, (...) and when then if the workers did not give the best result, the contractor just give a bad scoreS to them.
... while in a the base of the pyramid ...
... operate a technology or do something aspirational.inspirational
Good Luck!
Hi Yonathan, here's another one from my end.
- model when the teacher gives manyloads of homework
- to students and teachers, judge the student
- based on the score they get.
- order to workers forto build a foundation
- "do it as you can" and, now when the workers
- did not givedeliver the best result, the contractor justcangive a bad score torate them badly .
- Salman Khan stated that, traditional academic
- while in athe base of the pyramid
- there are many people forare forced tohumanunnecessary labor purposes.
- In theThe middle of the pyramid
- and the top of the pyramid are
- consist of a capital owner or entrepreneurs.
- In communication - based era, many people
- know how to operate athe technology or do
There you have it Yonathan, I advise that you consider writing drafts and not necessarily a prompt to answer, this way you will be able to practice writing more and as I keep stressing it and I will stress further, that the punctuation marks, however minor, are very important to complete and give a full meaning to your sentences.
Hi Yonathan,
I have some notes to your first paragraph. Hopefully can help you.
... homework to students and teacher(it's still in one sentence, you don't need to write "teacher" again. It cause too many repetition) judge the student based on the score they get.
For example(I suggest you to utilize advance grammar: For Instance) , when a contractor gives ...
......and he said(,) "do it as you can" .... (you have to use comma before quotation mark for quoting speech)
Hi Yonathan,
... teacher gives many homeworkS to students and teacher ...
In real lifefact , the traditional academic ...
... gives an order to his workers for buildING a foundation, and he said (...), the contractor justwill give a bad score to them.
While in a base of the pyramid there (...) labor purposes, in the middle of the (...) top of the pyramid areis consist of capital ...
.., many people have an access to get information but the...
Hopefully it helps.
Salman Khan criticizescriticized the traditional academic model when the teacher givesgave many homework to students(full stop .)and teacher judgejudged the student based on the score they getgot. In real life, the traditional academic model iswas unacceptable. For example, when a contractor givesgave an order to the workers forto build a foundation, (...) the best result (comma ,) the contractor just givegave a bad score to them.
... traditional academic model constructsconstructed a pyramid society, (...) the pyramid (comma ,) there are were many people ...
In the middle of the pyramid (comma ,) itis consisted of information processing ...
... many people have access to the information but the majority ....
... how to operate a technology or do something aspirational things.