[IELTS TASK 1] The table below gives information about student enrolments at Manchester University..

student enrolments in one british university

The table below gives information about student enrolments at Manchester University in 1937, 1967 and 2017.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows information about the enrolments of Manchester University students for the years 1937, 1967 and 2017.

Overall, 2017 had the greatest number of pupils enrolled out of the three years, while the least amount of students attending the university was in 1937.

To begin with, 1937 had only 327 in new admissions, followed by 1133 admissions in 1967 and 6254, being the most recorded enrolments, in 2017. Moreover, in both 1937 and 1967, the percentage of males were higher than females at 55% and 65% respectively, whereas this changed in 2017 with females making up 55 per cent of the proportion.

With regards to the previous whereabouts of students; in 1937 over half of students studying at this tertiary institution were from at most 40 miles from Manchester. In contrast, this number decreased substantially in 2017, with only 1 to 2 per cent of students actually residing nearby. Indeed, the number of foreign nationals attending increased drastically to constitute about a third of the pupils for the year 2017, although it was only approximately 7% for the years of 1937 and 1967.

Thank you for your help!!

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  Task 1 table
  

In the task 1 essay, focus on delivering the information directly to the reader. You have to remember, word fillers are not transition sentences. Transition sentences come at the end of the paragraph, as an introduction to the next topic:

... 55 percent of the proportion. This proportion was divided into representations of the student home countries as well.

Compare the students who came from overseas, from those who came from the UK. The chart indicated that...

It is important to prove that you know how to create coherent and cohesive paragraphs, meaning paragraphs that continue to show a clear discussion relationship, from one paragraph to the next. This is because your C&C score heavily depends on your ability to properly connect and transition from one data paragraph or reasoning paragraph to the next. Such a skill will also help you better reflect the TA requirements of the presentation.

That said, you still good a good enough job with this presentation. Can it be better? Yes. Will this essay work to get you a passing score? Perhaps. You still have a coherence and cohesiveness problem in the overall presentation. Fix that problem and you will be able to get a more than average passing score.

I think it would be nicer if you paraphrased the first paragraph a bit. It can help you get more points in GRA.