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Taks 1 : the employees according to their gender in the Great Britain


LaPolo11 12 / 28  
Apr 3, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the employees according to their gender in the Great Britain of the year in the question is illustrated by bar charts. Overall, males and females show considerable diversity in terms of their jobs. Likewise, the majority of men hold positions as traders and managers when women do paper works and work at the service field most of all.

A closer to look the data, the highest proportion of men is skilled traders at a-fifth of the total, while women hold only 3 percent on this field. In contrast, females work for personal service and administrative and secretarial are the most famous of them , while in this occupation show the least popularity for males (respectively 14% and 23% opposed to 3% and 5 %).

Apart from previous comparison, the only three professions occupied by almost the same number of males and females. Those are professional, associative professional and technical, and elementary jobs with 12-14%, 13-15% and 12% - 11 % respectively.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 4, 2016   #2
Hi LaPolo11, first of all, WELCOME TO ESSAY FORUM, I hope you find this website helpful at the same time useful in creating your writing materials. I believe each and every member of EF keeps and maintains that credibility, accuracy and unbiased criticisms towards your work.

Now, first of all, when you write an analysis, like the one you have in this thread, you have to make sure that you also post the diagram or the charts in order for us to provide you with a meaningful and accurate feedback. However, what I can do now with your analysis, is provide corrections and remarks with hopes of enhancing your essay. Please find below;

- in the Great Britain
- ofon the year in the question is
- illustrated byin the bar charts.
- and work atcontribute in the service
- field most of allthe time .

- service and administrative andas well as secretarial
- are the most famous of themsought after ,
- while in this occupation

- there are only three professions
- occupied by almost the same number of males and femalesall gender .
- Those who are professional,
- associativeassociate professional
- and technical, andas well as elementary

There you have it LaPolo11, I hope the remarks are useful.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 4, 2016   #3
Lapolo, you have a problem in your second body paragraph. It was too short and contained 'shop listings'. You are not supposed to write three types of data percentage in a single sentence. This will be considered as inappropriate in which it also possible to decrease your band score. The notion is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language. So the following still needs work.

Apart from previous comparison... Those were... The rest were...

Then, you will be able to depict all the information in the diagram.

Lastly, a final REMINDER for you that you MUST UPLOAD the picture of the diagram(s)!!! Otherwise, your account will be suspended by the administrator of this website because of breaking the rule.


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