IELTS - 'Teachers are the second parents in the school' - RESPONSIBILITY FOR TEACHING

Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students how to judge right and wrong and how to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Teachers are the second parents in the school. Morale educations are properly be applied in the school by teachers. While others believe the academic subjects are the only one that need to be taught by teachers.

Every families sent their children to school to get the well education. Many parent only need their children be taught by a teacher to be a good students in academic subject. For example, the parents want their children get a good scores in examination and graduate with a great academic value. However, it is good for the children themselves and also make the parents proud of them. Teaching about academic subjects as well help the student to direct in field of study according to their academic ability and also it is important for their future career.

On the other hand, I believe that it is more beneficial for students to be taught morale education by teachers. For example, firstly, morale education like teaches kindness and doing good are very important, it is because teaching the students to well-behaved become a more value for students. Secondly, the students spend half their time with the teacher and it is also make the student has a great opportunity to learn the good things from the teacher. In addition, morale education very important for the student to build their character, be a good person and good character and it is very useful to face the future.

For the reason mentioned above, it seems to me that more beneficial if the teachers also teaching students morale education like kindness and doing good things.

I agree that teachers should show the students some moral values. They are more often than not the only adult supervision in some students' lives. For example, I lived with a single mom who worked all day everyday and didn't have time to talk to me or teach me important values, and the teachers would be the ones I listened to. Although, not all teachers have good morals so it is important for the student to decide based on good judgment which advice is right and which is not.

Can you rewrite this introduction in properly structure which contains; hook, background and thesis statement?

While (subject + verb), (subject + verb).
or
(Subject + verb), while (subject + verb).

Did you remember a concluding sentence? if the last sentence is your conclusion, I think between your topic sentence and conclusion missed. I suggest you to read sample answer and learn about how to make topic sentence and conclusion stronger.

Overall your essay is okay, there are many grammatical errors which you need to work on. I pointed out some of them below. Hope this helps.


You might want to improve this sentence more, like some people believe..because this is followed by While others.


morale education like


Rephrased : morale education teaches kindness and good manners.

Cheers!!

Generally, your essay does not use range of structures. Most of the sentences are mostly S+V+O, you should use more complicated structures such as: Condition, inversion...You also need to enrich your vocabulary in this essay, some words were repeated so many times ( student, teacher,education...)